


Spiraling Secret

by Superwholock88



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Allison Argent, Alive Vernon Boyd & Erica Reyes, Angst, Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Multi, Pack Cuddles, Pack Mother Stiles Stilinski, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Sheriff Stilinski is a Bad Parent, Victim Blaming, Werewolf Lydia, only by stiles though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 04:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7252414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superwholock88/pseuds/Superwholock88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles Stilinski can keep a secret better than anyone, or so he thinks until one wrong moves unravels them piece by piece<br/>Previous work now revamped hopefully better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to just redo this entire work because of how many mistakes were in it so hopefully this is better. Some of this is taken from my own past and will get pretty dark in places but I use trigger warnings for everything I can think of, please let me know if there's one I need to add. I'll put them at the end of each chapter so if you need to know they are there.

The day started out fairly normal; how it went to hell, well that's my fault. Derek wanted the pack to 'bond more' or whatever, why he decided to include me, I haven't the slightest clue. Anyway it was Saturday morning and we were having a pack day. I was supposed to be there at 9:30 but after the 'argument' with my dad the night before I overslept. I hurried through the process of putting makeup on my face. It had been a while since there were physical reminders left. By the time I was out the door it was already 10:00 and I had 25 missed calls, 10 missed texts, and four voice mails. I didn't bother stopping to read them, instead I sped all the way to Derek's loft. I had to work hard not to yelp as I was instantly man-handled "read as hugged" by Scott, my best friend/brother/overgrown puppy.  
"What the hell man" I asked once he let go.  
I received silence in return.  
"What happened" I ask. Derek clears his throat.  
"Someone was attacked, the description matched yours but we couldn't risk the crime scene seeing as the Argents had the place flooded." He explains quietly.  
"Oh, well I'm fine. What attacked them, when did it happen, are we sure it's a supernatural thing, the Argents could be jumping to conclusions again, sorry Ali, we need to find out who was attacked, and" I began with a thousand thoughts running through my head. Scott interrupts me, hands on my shoulders.   
"Chill Stiles. We're going to figure it out. Go take your Adderall." He says smiling. I roll my eyes but comply.  
"Ok here's what we're going to do. Stiles you and Allison head to the crime scene, try not to draw too much attention but get as much info as possible. Scott, Isaac, Boyd and I will head to the new house and set up a perimeter. Lydia, Erica go get us supplies in case we have to stay there a while. Everyone needs to be back at the house by noon. Let's go, and everyone be careful." Derek says. I truly can't help myself.  
"And break" I say earning a glare from Derek and stifled giggles from everyone else.  
The crime scene was actually easy seeing as everyone had been sent home. My father spots us but seeing as he knows about the supernatural doesn't send us away. The body is in the back of an ambulance.  
"Animal attack?" I ask since a few officers are still in earshot.  
"Yeah looks like it. A boy who's a couple years younger than you, Johnny Rickets. He was an avid runner and liked to take the harder trails so it's pretty much open and shut sadly. Will you be home for dinner?" He asks which is how he finds out if we're investigating or not.  
"Nah I'm hanging with Scott and Isaac" I tell him meaning yes we will investigate. His eyes narrow.  
"Be careful" he says lowly before walking away.  
Allison sighs.  
"This is going to suck" she says knowing that inevitably we will see her estranged family.  
"Sorry Ali I know it's hard for you" I say putting an arm on her shoulder as we walk back to my jeep.  
"Hello Allison" someone says causing her to tense.  
"Hello Victoria" she says coolly.  
"What do you want" I ask crossing my arms.  
"Just making sure you all stay out of our way, wouldn't want to get shot by accident. We'll take care of the omega, you and your pups can sit back and relax in that nice new house, hope nothing happens to it. It'd be a shame to see all that hard work go up in flames" she says smirking.  
"Look here bit-" I growl before Allison grabs my arm.  
" Just stay out of our way and you'll be fine" Victoria says before walking off. We hop in the jeep and I peel out onto the road.  
Allison relays the message when we get back to the new place. No one is happy after that.  
"We can't just let them murder another werewolf. We should go find him and talk him or her I guess possibly" Scott says.  
"We can't exactly cross them either, they're looking for any excuse to come at us. We stay here protect the border we set up. If the omega comes to us fine we'll deal with that. Understood" Derek says doing his wolfy glare into submission face.  
We set up watch turns and play board games since we don't have cable or movies quite yet. I'm sitting out on my watch when I hear someone coming. I stand with my knife and pouch of wolfsbane.  
"Seriously they let a human be on guard" a voice says before I see a young man walking towards me.  
"Yeah guess they do probably because of this" I say as I toss the pouch at his face adding a bit of magic I learned from Deaton. The wolf growls and grimaces. I pull out the walkie.  
"Uh guys you might want to come out the omega is here. I got him with some wolfsbane but that's gonna wear off quickly so uh yeah" I say and have to hold the walkie at arms length to avoid the cacophony that arises. Derek and Scott reach me in under a minute.  
"What the fuck Stiles?" Scott says as Derek detains the omega. Before anything else can happen Chris Argent steps out.  
"Let me take him off your hands" he says ominously.  
"Uh why so you can murder him" Scott says scoffing. Chris glares at him.  
"I'm well within my rights. I have proof, there was a video of the attack" Chris says holding out his phone. Scott moves forward to take it. We watch the video and grimace. Derek hands over the now unconscious werewolf.  
"Stay off my land and don't threaten my pack again, we follow the treaty, can we expect the same? "Derek says crossing his arms. Chris sighs.  
"My wife was out of line but you know as well as I do why she said the things she did." Chris says glaring at Scott and me before walking away.  
"Inside now" Derek says through clenched teeth causing Scott to cringe. I head towards the house reluctantly.  
"What did I say you were to do if you heard even the slightest noise Stiles" Derek yells as soon as were inside.  
"Look I know I should have" I started but Derek stopped me.  
"No tell me what did I say" he says managing to take his voice down a few octaves.  
"At what point because to be honest you've said quite a bit today and" I started rambling.  
"Now is not the time to be a smart ass Stiles. He could have killed you. Do you even realize that" he asks stepping into my personal space.  
"Look I know you think I'm the weak one and I can't take care of myself but I knew what I was doing, I'm not completely useless" I say a bit choked as my emotions get the better of me. Derek sighs and I look away. I see him raise his hand out of the corner of my eye and I flinch away.  
"No don't" I manage to choke out while blocking my face. When only silence ensues I lower them and register what I just did. I glance around at the faces of my friends seeing horrified and surprised expressions. Derek though is the worst. I see deep sadness.  
"Stiles. I" he begins and I run.  
Ok so I lied at the beginning a bit, the day wasn't very normal. Where am I now you ask. I'm sitting in Deaton's office writing this all down in my journal. You know what shut up there is nothing wrong with having a journal. It's been about an hour since I ran. I know they'll find me soon. I feel really stupid now for overreacting. I've kept all hints of suspicion away from my arguments with my father. Not even Scott or Isaac had any clue. It's not that I'm hiding it really they just won't understand. Having me as a kid has to be hard especially after my mom died. It's not abuse not really, punishment is what he calls it. Anyone who knows me realizes that I have a smart mouth. If I wasn't so disrespectful it wouldn't happen. Besides it could be so much worse. And really it doesn't happen as often anymore. I just sometimes pick the wrong day to screw up. Well there's the door guess I'd better face the music. I just hope they understand it for what it is. I'm sure Derek's wanted to smack me a few times himself.  
I stay seated against the wall as someone entered.  
"Stiles, I know you're in here" Isaac says and I sigh.  
"I'm over here Isaac" I tell him. He spots me and comes to sit next to me.  
"Derek's freaking out, are you ok" he asks  
"I'm fine. Sorry for making you come after me." I say feeling guilty. Isaac sighs.  
"You didn't make me do anything, Stiles. I chose to come. Scott's outside. How long?" Isaac asks  
"How long, what" I say hoping he drops it.  
"You know what I mean. People don't flinch like that for nothing. How long has your father been hurting you." Isaac says softly.  
"He doesn't. I'm fine. It's not abuse ok." I say with an edge to my voice.  
"Ok then what is. Explain it to me" Isaac prods.  
"He didn't ask to be stuck with a kid like me you know, and I'm not really a good kid. I mean I'm known as a troublemaker. He sometimes disciplines me." I admit.  
"And how often does that discipline involve bruises" Isaac enquiries. I shake my head.  
"It doesn't, look just go back to the pack and tell Derek I'm sorry. I'll head home" I say in a calm voice even though inwardly I'm panicking. Isaac huffs a laugh.  
"Stiles I'm not leaving here without you. I don't really believe you but if you're not ready to talk that's ok. Just come back with us and finish our pack day. That includes you, you know" Isaac says bumping my shoulder.  
"Yeah I know, I just don't know why. Let's go" I say glad to have a reason to get away from the conversation. Isaac frowns but doesn't say anything. Once outside Scott hugs me.  
"Dude you can't just run off like that." He scolds. I shrug. We get in the jeep since neither Scott or Isaac had driven to find me. Yet another reason I'm a horrible friend. Once back at the house everyone acts normally which is confusing as hell but at least they're not asking questions. We sit around and watch movies because Lydia is Lydia and managed to get a blu-ray connected while we were gone. We fall asleep in a pile which feels comfortable and safe. The next day everyone has plans with family. Scott and Isaac were going to clean around their house like Melissa had asked them to over a week ago. Lydia and Allison were having dinner with Lydia's mother. Allison was still getting used to living with Lydia since she emancipated herself and walked out of her family. It helped cushion the pain when they both admitted their feelings for each other. Erica was helping Boyd with his family and I needed to get stuff done at home since I had been out all night. Derek said he was going to finish getting things moved over from the loft. I drove to Scott's house where Isaac told Scott to head in and he'd be there in a minute. I rolled my eyes and braced myself for whatever he had to say.  
"I had Scott text everyone so they wouldn't start asking questions earlier; but, they are concerned, especially Derek. He's the one who figured out what was happening at my house. He got me out. If you want" Isaac explains his voice wavering a bit.  
"Just stop right there Isaac. It's not the same ok. You never did anything to provoke your father and besides have I ever shown up with broken bones or bruises? "I ask proud of myself for keeping calm so that he doesn't hear the deception.  
"No I guess not." He says unsure. I sigh.  
"Thank you for being concerned but I really am ok." I say punching his shoulder gently.  
Isaac looks me over before hopping out and heading inside. I head home and sigh once I get inside. There are beer cans all over the living room plus a fresh spot of puke. I hurry and get to work. It's five in the afternoon before I finish on the house. I know my father will be home around six so I start cooking some meat to make tacos. I'm just finishing getting everything on the table when he walks in.  
"Smells alright, glad to see you had a semi productive day since you likely sat on your ass all day yesterday." He says sitting down. I sit across from him silently.  
"Did your furry friends take care of the problem yesterday" he asks with a sneer.  
"No, actually it was the Argents. Sir" I say staring only at my plate.  
" Then why the hell weren't you home last night." He demands slamming his fist on the table.  
"It was pack night sir. We stayed together." I tell him softly.  
"You’re not a fucking werewolf why do you have to stay for that. I can't imagine anyone actually wanting you around. You just wanted to shirk your chores here didn't you" he asks now standing.  
"No sir, I " I begin but am knocked to the floor by a blow to my head.  
"Don't talk back to me you worthless piece of shit. Get up and go wait in the spare room. I'll be up to punish you when I'm finished eating." He yells. I get up slowly and head to the spare room. No one ever comes in it and it's only used for when I screw up much like now. I sit in the chair and wait. After what seems like forever I hear him coming up the stairs. My breath quickens but I stand at attention as I'm supposed to.  
"Don't know why I didn't just drop you off at an orphanage, you’re not worth my time. You were a mistake to begin with and now I'm stuck with you instead of the woman I loved and you killed." He slurs. I cringe internally. My punishment is always worse when he's drunk.  
"Take off your shirt and face the wall" he manages while pulling off his belt. I quickly do as asked knowing I deserve so much more for the pain I've caused. I grunt as the belt flies against my back but try to remain silent so as not to earn extra punishment. After about twenty minutes he stops.  
"I don't want to fucking see or hear you for the rest of the night, got it" he asks gripping my hair and forcing my head back.  
"Yes sir" I manage but he stiffens and I know he's seen that I'm crying.  
"What fucking right do you think you have to be crying. You need to start taking it like a man." He yells before throwing me on the ground. I curl into myself and block my face while the kicks keep coming. I taste blood from holding back the screams and feel relieved when he finally stops. I'm not sure how much time passes before I'm able to move but I go quietly to my bathroom to evaluate my body. Everywhere hurts but there's no broken ribs and my skin is intact so I take a quick shower and dress before taking some pain pills and crawling into bed. It takes every ounce of control to not scream when my window opens and Derek slides in.  
"What the hell are you doing here? If my dad hears you I'll be grounded for life" I whisper. Which of course he takes as 'sure come on in at 2 in the morning and sit on my bed'  
"Is that all he would do" Derek asks quietly.  
"Yes" I whisper back. Derek looks at me in the dark before flicking my bedside lamp on.  
"Then where'd the black eye come from and why wasn't it there this morning." He asks. And I panic. Shit I forgot about that.  
"I fell earlier while cleaning and smacked it on the counter" I lie.  
"Stiles, I know your lying. First because I can hear your heart and secondly it's older than one day. You had it covered before" he says crossing his arms, something must show in my face because he sighs and uncrosses them.  
"I'm not mad at you, Stiles. What's going on" he asks so sincerely that I hate myself even more.  
"It's nothing Derek.” I try while staring at the bed. He looks me over and then grabs the bottom of my shirt before I can stop him. I close my eyes to avoid seeing his face. I hear a choked sound and I open them alarmed to find Derek fucking Hale crying.  
"Derek, I'm sorry.” I tell him. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath.  
"Don't be. This isn't your fault. Come on, you can stay with me at the den." He says and then I'm confused.  
"Wait, what? No I'm fine and I'll be in more trouble if I sneak out. I'm trying to not get in as much trouble with him. He's got a hard enough job as it is without me screwing up." I tell him still in a hushed voice. His eyes change red briefly before he closes them. They're their regular gorgeous color when he opens them.  
"Stiles, this isn't punishment, it's abuse. What would you say if it was Isaac in your place" he asks.  
"It's not the same." I shoot back quickly.  
"Why not" he pushes.  
"Because Isaac doesn't deserve it" I nearly yell.  
We hear a clutter outside my door and my eyes go wide, my breathing picking up speed.  
"Get out now" I tell him.  
"The hell I will" he snarls. The door slams open and dad staggers in.  
"I thought I told you to be quiet, you little bastard”. He slurs staggering towards me, too drunk to even notice Derek. He swings a fist towards me that never lands. Derek has him by the wrist.  
"Stiles is leaving for the night and if you try to stop us I'll make sure everyone in this town knows exactly what you are. Get out now" Derek says calmly though his eyes are blazing red.  
"If you want him you can have him. He ain't worth shit though so don't come crawling back to me when you figure it out." Dad says somewhat sobered up by the events around him. He yanks his hand from Derek and heads back out the door. I stay on my bed staring at the blankets. Derek sits down next to me.  
"We don't have to talk about it right now. Let's just go, ok" he says and I nod. He hands me back my shirt which I put on. I get on his back so we can go back out the window. I stay silent all the way to the new house, which Derek evidentially calls the den.  
"Stiles, I know I said we'd talk about it later but you're kinda freaking me out. Say something, anything" Derek asks once inside.  
"I'm sorry I got you involved in this." I say. He sighs and pulls me into a gentle hug.  
"Don't be sorry. I know you don't believe it but this isn't your fault. Let's just go to sleep. There's plenty of rooms just take your pick." He says and damn he smells good up close. Not that I come even close to registering on his radar. I pull away and manage a slight smile. I choose one of the smaller rooms and curl up on the bed and surprisingly fall asleep immediately.  
I wake up slowly the next day and check my phone freaking out when I see that it's 11am. I pad out into the living room where Derek is sitting reading a book.  
"Dude why didn't you wake me up, I'm late for school." I say plopping down next to him.  
"I figured you deserved a day off, and we can go get your stuff from your house, if you want" Derek says softly.  
"I can't just stay here Derek. Dad will want me back once he's completely sober" I try to explain to him. Derek frowns and hands me a folder. It's custody papers. My father had given Derek custody of me. I'm unsure what to even say.  
"He stopped by this morning. He said he wanted your stuff gone today. I'm sorry." Derek says.  
"Why are you sorry, you’re the one who's stuck with me now. I can go talk to him. Get him to take me back, I promise." I try desperately, Derek growls. I scoot away from him a bit.  
"You are not a burden" he says closing his eyes to calm himself.  
"Fine let's just go get my stuff" I say feeling defeated.  
Once back at my house or rather my father's house I head inside with Derek close behind.  
"Look just stay down here. I'll call you up if I need you. I just need some space right now." I tell him. He nods and moves to sit on the couch. I go upstairs. There's a note on my bed. I sit down on the bed to read it.  
"Stiles,  
I've tried to be a good father to you and teach you how to behave but you're just too stubborn. You've been trouble since the day you were born, and I will never forgive you for taking your mother away from me. I hate you and always have. You'll never amount to anything. Honestly you'd be better off just killing yourself; but, since you're just a pathetic waste of air I know you don't have the balls to do it. So you can live with your filthy animals and when they figure out how useless you are don't come crying to me. You are no longer my son and why do you think Derek wants you anyway. I bet he's just like your Uncle Matt."  
Signed Sheriff Stilinski.  
I try to hold back the tears but fail. I head to my bathroom where I keep my supplies. I haven't cut in months but I need to not feel right now. I lock the door and shimmy out of my pants. Sitting on the toilet I make two long slices across both thighs. I lean back just breathing as the adrenaline kicks in followed by the numbness. I clean up my kit and make sure both thighs are clear of blood. I go back into my room to finish packing up my belongings.  
An hour and a half later my jeep and Derek's Camaro are filled, mostly with books. We unload it back at the house before settling in on the couch.  
"I know you have questions" I tell him.  
Yes but only if you are ready to tell me. You've had no choices with all of this. It's your choice what you want to tell me." He says making me love him all the more.  
"Ok how's this, you ask me questions and if I don't want to answer I'll say pass" I suggest, he nods.  
"When did it start" he begins   
"After my mom died, he started drinking more and I'm probably the most spastic kid ever so I got in trouble a lot. Dad said I needed to be disciplined. It started as hard spankings and just kinda evolved." I say  
"Why do you think you deserve it?" Derek asks.  
"Uh have you met me. You really going to tell me you've never wanted to smack me? Cause I won't believe it. Plus I also killed my mother so there's that." I say trying to be callous.  
"Why on earth do you think that?" Derek asks flabbergasted  
"Pass" I say quickly. He nods.  
"Why didn't you tell anyone? " He questions moving the conversation on.  
"Dude my dad is the friggin sheriff, I didn't think anyone would believe me." I say with a shrug.  
"How far has the abuse gone?" He asks  
"What do you mean, like has he ever broken bones? No other than ribs and my arm once but that was actually an accident." I answer hoping he'll be satisfied.  
"Not that physical abuse isn't enough but did it extend beyond that?" Derek asks reluctantly.  
"No, my dad never touched me like that" I am quick to answer hoping he doesn't ask anymore on that subject.  
"How many times has he hurt you because of pack nights" Derek asks after a few minutes of silence.  
"Pass" I say not even wanting him to know that answer. I still see the hurt in his eyes.  
"Ok. I really can't think of anymore questions. Everyone will be coming over for a pack meeting tonight. I don't know how much you want to tell them. It's up to you. I won't lie to them but we'll respect your privacy if you aren't ready for everyone to know." Derek says and I sigh.  
"We can tell them, they have to find out sometime. Besides I'm pretty sure Isaac suspects I lied to him yesterday. He's probably freaking out with me not being in school." I realize and feel horrendously guilty.  
"No I text everyone this morning and told them you were ok but taking the day off. I'm proud of you by the way" Derek says completely baffling me.  
"Uh why the hell are you proud of me? I've done nothing worth that" I tell him to which he smiles and hugs me again. I feel safe with him. We watch tv until the pack starts showing up. Scott and Isaac are the first. Isaac looks like a kicked puppy and Scott's not far off from the same.  
"Hey guys" I say waving awkwardly.  
"Are you ok" Scott asks. I shrug.  
"We'll discuss it when everyone is here" Derek tells them. Scott huffs but nods and Isaac just sits down next to me. The rest of the pack trickles in soon after.  
"I know everyone is wondering what's up so that's why we called the pack meeting. It's come to my attention that Stiles is not safe in his former home. His father has been abusing him" Derek begins. Scott's eyes widen and Isaac whines softly. I run a hand through his hair. "I went over to talk with him last night and found he was hurt. His father came in and I told him he was not allowed to hurt Stiles at which point he disowned him. He gave me custody this morning, so Stiles will be living here with me. Any questions, please keep them respectful and if Stiles doesn't want to answer accept it" he finishes.  
"Are you ok" Allison asks first.  
"Yeah I'm ok. I mean I'm not great but I'm ok." I assure her with a small smile.  
"Are we sure this is legit custody papers and he won't be arresting you for kidnapping?" Lydia asks next.  
"Yes I'm sure. I called my lawyer and faxed it to be verified. All is in order." Derek answers.  
"Why didn't you say anything" Boyd asks looking hurt. I swallow before answering.  
"I was scared no one would believe me and my dad has connections I just thought it might make it worse, never actually expected him to disown me"  
I mutter playing with a loose thread  
"Can I murder him?" Erica blurts out earning three voices of reprieve.  
"It was a legit question. No one hurts my Stiles.” Erica huffs making me smile.  
"Erica you hit me with a car part" I remind her. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.  
"Amendment, only I can hurt my Stiles. So is that a no on the killing him" she asks.  
"Yes Erica" Derek, Scott, and Boyd say. She raises her hands in surrender.  
"I vote we have pizza and watch a movie" I say hoping the questions are done.  
"Hells yeah" Erica says. Derek grabs his phone to order pizza and sends Lydia and Allison to pick it up so that no poor soul has to drive it to us.  
"Hey can we talk" Isaac asks softly and I nod before leading him to my new room.  
"I'm sorry" he blurts out as soon as I shut the door. I give him a curious look. "I text Derek and told him I was worried about you. That you called it punishment but I thought it was more. He said he'd go check on you and now, now" Isaac says struggling for words.  
"Isaac look at me please?" I ask and he does slowly. "Good now nothing that happened was your fault. Be proud of yourself for going to your alpha with your concerns. May I ask why you were so concerned" I pry gently.  
"After you dropped us off I started asking Scott a bunch of questions about your childhood. He said you always had bruises because of your klutziness but that you did break your arm once when you were nine. Your dad said you fell out of the tree but Scott remembered that you were scared of heights. He said he asked you about it. He remembers what you told him. You told him it was an accident, that your father had been giving you a spanking and you tried to get away from him by pulling your arm. I knew then that I had to do something. Scott was worried and started seeing things from growing up that looked innocent but now looks bad. He's really upset that he never caught on. Anyway I text Derek because he's the one that knew about me. I'm sorry your father disowned you." Isaac says and gives me a hug. Which is apparently my breaking point because the tears flow freely and seemingly won't stop. I don't even realize what I'm saying until Derek's voice pierces the pain.  
"Please come back to us Stiles. You’re ok here, your safe, we're not going to leave you, you're a part of us" He's saying. I come back to reality and see the entire pack crammed into my room.  
"Oh thank god." Scott says when he sees recognition in my eyes.  
"Uh sorry I lost my shit" I murmur feeling embarrassed.  
"Your entitled" Derek says. Isaac is hanging back so I reach out to him. He comes close and I pull him the rest of the way to me.  
"Thanks baby" I say and run my hand through his hair.  
"Ok, let's uh head downstairs and forget this ever happened." I try and only receive raised eyebrows in return. I sigh.  
"Look I know I just freaked out majorly but I am ok" I promise even though it's not true.  
"Stiles honey do you know what you were saying" Lydia asks. I shake my head. Scott speaks up.  
"You begged us not to leave you. You kept promising to be good. To try harder to not be useless. You said that you didn't know why we even kept you around. And, and" Scott tries but is fighting tears.  
"I'm sorry" I say again.  
"No Stiles. Don't apologize. We should be the ones to apologize. You are every bit a part of this pack as anyone else if not more" Derek says. I shake head.  
"I don't understand why you think I'm worth anything" I somewhat yell before staring at my bed.  
"Ok Let's try this, everyone say something about Stiles that makes him a part of us." Derek says.  
"You always let me vent to you and you never complain about all the times I crawled through your window at the ass crack of dawn because of nightmares. You got me and Scott together. I would be lost without you." Isaac starts.  
"Even before I joined the pack you always did nice things for me. Even when I acted like you didn't exist. It was little notes like 'your beautiful' or 'great job on the Chem test' you were just there." Lydia says  
"Dude you helped me find my sister at the mall when I was completely flipping out and you help make lunch for all of my siblings even going so far as leaving little notes for them to find. God knows my parents won't do it."  
"Stiles, I know you probably don't know that I know this but after the idiots posted my seizure on YouTube, you somehow got each one of them in some kind of huge trouble. Two of them went to jail for Hells sake. And then after I was turned you didn't treat me any different. I was angry at first but I realized you don't look skin deep but beyond that. " Erica says  
"When I decided to emancipate myself you stood by me all the way even when I just came to you and broke down. You never once sent me away or acted like I was being a drama queen. I don't think I could have gotten through without you" Allison says  
"Dude you are my brother. I literally could not survive without you. You've been my rock even when I tried to kill you. Anyone else would have run away after finding out your best friend is a werewolf but instead you researched the hell out of it. Who knows where I'd be without that." Scott says leaving only Derek.  
"This pack wouldn't be here if it weren't for you and your stubbornness. Without you holding us together we never would have gotten this far. You're the gooey sticky stuff that holds us together" Derek says and I crack a smile  
"Dude did you just quote Ice Age 2?" I ask. He rolls his eyes. "You're the one who picked the movie it's not my fault it got stuck in my head." Derek tries, shifting so I'm not completely on him. "Ok so let's eat pizza and crash here cause I'm really loving the wolf cuddles. Just saying" I tell them earning a few smiles. And for the moment everything is ok.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning we left for school and I was called immediately to the counselor's office.  
"Um did I do something wrong?" I ask.  
"No Stiles, we were informed by your father that you have new living arrangements. He said he was concerned because Mr. Hale is so much older than you. He's worried that he coerced you to move in with him, especially since you've been taken advantage of before." The counselor begins. The blood drains from my face.  
"It's not the same thing. That was years ago" I say softly.  
"From what I understand the sexual abuse went on for a couple of years, and the perpetrator was only a few years older than you. Is this correct" the counselor asks dryly  
"You know what screw you. No one gave you the right to be talking about my past. Derek is not like that. Besides dad turned over custody to him because he doesn't want me and I can't prove it. I kept his stupid little note to me." I tell her in anger as I slap the note from my father on the desk between us. Her eyes widen comically briefly as she reads it.  
"How do I know you didn't just write it yourself so you can live with Derek." She asks.  
"Have it fucking analyzed for all I care. Fact of the matter is the custody papers are legit. There's nothing he can do to get me back. He just wants his punching bag back" I yell then quiet as I realize what I said.  
"Are you telling me that your father, the sheriff, abused you" she asks in disbelief. I roll my eyes and shake my head.  
"I'm done answering questions, may I go to class now" I ask nearly at my breaking point.  
"Sure but Mr. Stilinski your new guardian is being informed about your past and there will be regular checks by social services seeing as a 16yr old is living with a 23yr old." The counselor says smirking a bit. I grab the pass for class and run from the room and straight to the bathroom where I proceed to lose my breakfast. I rinse my mouth with water and notice my hands are shaking. I have to do something to make myself calm down. I have a razor in my backpack so I head back to the stall and draw a few new lines on my legs letting the calm wash over me. I blot the cuts until they're no longer bleeding before heading back to class. I slide into my seat beside Scott after handing the teacher the pass from the counselor. Scott stiffens beside me and his eyes drop to my legs briefly. He knows. Class work keeps me busy until the bell rings. I try to hurry out of class but Scott is right behind me. He follows me to my locker.  
"You promised, no more" he says softly but not accusatory as I'm getting books out.  
"I know and I'm sorry. I just I can't " I begin but panic overwhelms me. The next thing I know we're in the bathroom and Scott is talking to me.  
"Hey it's ok. Just tell me what happened please. You were fine this morning. What happened with the counselor." Scott asks when he realizes I'm back with him.  
"Dad kicked up a fuss and said he thought Derek coerced me into moving in with him. He told the counselor about 'him'." I say shuddering lightly. Scott of course knows immediately who I'm talking about. He swallows.  
"And she said they're telling Derek. He's going to know." I say tearing up.  
"Oh god. I'm so sorry Stiles. Look Derek's not going to look at you any different because of it. He's not like that" Scott says pulling me gently into a hug.  
"Easy for you to say, does Isaac even know?" I blurt out "I'm sorry that wasn't right to say, I'm sorry" I say before Scott can speak.  
"No it's ok. He knows someone abused me but not who. I can't really tell him that without telling him about you. Look I'll come back with you if you want after school" Scott says. I shake my head.  
"No I'll be ok, and its ok if you tell Isaac everything. We'd better get to class though." I say hoping he won't mention the cuts.  
"Give me your backpack first" he says and I sigh.  
"It was just once. I won't do it again" I try. Scott looks completely unimpressed. I hand over my backpack. He quickly finds my blade and pockets it. I roll my eyes.  
"It's not like I'd come back for it in the trash" I tell him, he shrugs.  
"Is this the only one you have?" He asks.  
"Yes you threw the others away last time." I tell him pouting slightly.  
"Ok, let's get to class." Scott says and I inwardly cheer at the fact that I lied to him undetected.  
"Thanks. I'll see you at lunch" I say and head out. By the time I reach the cafeteria I'm no longer hungry. Memories have been flooding my stupid brain all morning. I sigh and sit down at our usual table.  
"What's up sweet cheeks" Erica asks sliding in next to me and wrapping an arm around my waist. I struggle to not flinch.  
"Long day, I think I'm getting a headache" I tell her which is true.  
"Well that sucks." She says. Isaac sits on the other side of me with a thump that makes me jump.  
"Sorry" he says wincing. I shrug.  
" Are you going to eat?" Scott asks as he sits down.  
"Not hungry, got a headache developing" I say and decide to rest until lunch is over. It's comforting to listen to everyone just talking. I can forget everything for just a bit. Once school is out my headache has turned into a full blown migraine. I get in to drive the jeep and everything swirls for a moment.  
"Are you ok" Isaac asks beside me.  
"No I think you'd better drive" I tell him reluctantly. He slides over as I walk around Scott slides in after me.  
"Hey, I'm gonna go lay down, migraine " I tell Derek as we walk in. He nods as Scott heads to the kitchen to get me an ice pack and Isaac helps me up the stairs. Scott comes in soon with both an ice pack and pain meds.  
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay" he asks.  
"I'll be ok" I promise him and he nods. I then pass out for a couple of hours. It's dark when I wake up. I go down stairs in search of Derek. I find him in the kitchen cooking.  
"Smells good." I say walking in.  
"Hey, your head feeling better?" Derek asks as I sit on a stool nearby.  
"Yeah" I say fidgeting slightly.  
“How’d Scott and Isaac get home” I ask worriedly   
“Oh, Melissa came and picked them up, no they haven’t told her what’s going on” Derek says. I nod.  
"So I guess you had a visitor today" I say after the quiet stretches too long.  
"Yeah a social worker. She agreed the custody papers were legitimate, and she gave me a file on you. I didn't read it" Derek says and I feel tears pooling in my eyes.  
"You could have, technically you’re my guardian" I say while looking down.  
"Yes but anything I need to know can come from you, not a file. I'm here if you want to talk and if not that's ok too" he promises.  
"Dad will find a way to make sure you find out. It's better coming from me. Just don't pity me, ok" I ask and he nods.  
"Well it started when I was seven" I begin pausing to see what he’ll do. To Derek's credit he didn't say anything to that so I continue.  
"I have an uncle on my mom's side. He was kinda one of those surprise babies. He's four and a half years older than me making him 12 at the time. Dad hadn't had any 'talks' with me at that age and I just knew that Uncle Matt was my favorite person and he was cool. He never acted like I was a nuisance even though I was a hyper-active spazoid. We were in his bedroom watching tv one day. Dad was always busy and mom was in and out of the hospital at this point. He asked me if I wanted to play a new game." I pause here to take a breath.   
"Stiles if this is too much for you, it's ok. You don't have to talk about it" Derek reminds me.   
"I know but maybe I need to. Are you really sure your ok with hearing it though" I ask him.   
"Yes I promise I wouldn't have offered otherwise" he says. I nod and take a deep breath.   
"Being me I said yeah of course I would play a new game. Matt grinned and told me to close my eyes. I heard him moving around but managed to do as he said. He had me open them and he had taken his pants down.   
"Put your hand on it" he said. I felt weird but I did what he told me. He made me rub him 'there' for a bit and then he told me to put my mouth on him. I did without question. He got off on it. He said I was his favorite nephew and if I was a good boy he would do something special the next day. We then just went back to watching tv. The next day he said since I was so good the day before he wanted to do something special. He had me take my pants down and he sucked me off. It felt weird but he said it meant we loved each other. He told me no one would understand so it had to be our little secret. We 'played' every day of the summer. One day some cousins were in town and we were playing hide and seek. Matt hid in the closet with me. He tried to kiss me and I pulled away. He got really angry and shoved me on the floor. He then locked me in the closet and left me for about an hour. I had my first panic attack from it. I didn't really see him as much during the school year and Scott moved close to my house so I went to his place a lot, it didn't do any good when the next summer came around. Matt liked the idea of having two to play with. I swear I tried to get Scott away. I never would have let him come over if I knew Matt would hurt him. I never would have" I whispered getting lost in the memories for the moment.   
"Stiles, hey you with me" I hear Derek say and realize he's directly in front of me. I flinch away accidentally.   
"Sorry" I tell him.   
"It's ok. I have one question if that's ok." Derek asks moving away slightly. I nod not trusting myself to speak.   
"Is your uncle Matt still alive?" He asks.   
"No he's dead" I say and look at him curiously. "Why'd you ask me that"   
"Because I would like to have a talk with him if he were still alive" Derek says his eyes blazing. My mind backtracks a bit and I realize I've told him about Scott.   
"Oh shit. I wasn't supposed to tell you about Scott. Oh god, I'm a horrible friend." I say and begin to pace.   
"Stiles calm down. It's ok. Besides I already knew about Scott, at least a little bit. He told me around the time he and Isaac got together. I uh may have had a 'don't hurt Isaac' talk with him" Derek says looking embarrassed.   
"Oh ok. Well it gets worse." I tell him and flop back down. He motions for me to continue.   
"He sometimes forced Scott and I to make out while he masturbated. There was a little creek he used to take us to. One day he told us to undress and go skinny dipping. I told him that my dad said it was illegal. He shoved me on the ground. Scott helped me up.   
"You don't tell me no" Matt said. "You tell everyone you scratched your face while playing in the treehouse. Got it" he yelled getting in my face. I nodded and we did what he told us. He decided that he wanted to take things further and started sticking his finger in us. Then when it was just me and him he started to put himself in me. I freaked out on him. He made me get dressed and we went to ride our bikes. He slammed his back wheel and I crashed my bike and landing on my elbow. Its still messed up to this day. That was an 'accident' too. He then said because I disobeyed it meant he didn't love me and that until I asked him to take me back I wasn't his favorite anymore. Then he spent the next two weeks getting me in trouble, not little trouble either like getting my butt whipped on a daily basis trouble. Mom was in the hospital permanently at this point and all dad did was yell so I gave in. I mean I was 8yrs old, you know, I didn't really want it. He took me back to the creek so we could have privacy. He hit me with his belt about 20 times but I didn't cry, he said he was proud of me for taking my punishment like a man. Then he, uh, he entered me from behind. I blacked out or disassociated at that point. He freaked out because I was like a freaking zombie. He hugged me and told me he loved me. And it seemed kinda worth it. I mean I pooped blood for a week but he gave me all sorts of hugs and cuddles again. He kept dad off my back. After my mom died I tried to commit suicide by hanging myself. But being that I was 9 I couldn't make a good noose so I fell and busted my knees up. He used mom's death to get me to bring Scott back in and when I tried to stop him from hurting him he choked me until I passed out and tied me up. I still tried to stop him after that. It went on until we were 11. He got more physical as time went on. One time while we swimming I don't really remember what I did wrong but he shoved me under and eventually everything went black. When I came to I was coughing up water and Scott had done CPR on me. Matt said it was my fault. It uh ended because Melissa found out about it. Then Scott's dad put Scott in the hospital because being raped and abused meant he was a stupid little fairy. Melissa made him leave after that. Dad said it was my fault and I better not turn out gay. He found out about me liking both girls and guys about a year ago. I told Scott he was mad and i was giving him distance but really dad kicked me out for a couple of weeks. Anyway Matt killed himself before there could even be a trial so no one knew about it. Dad said that was my fault too." I finally finish.   
"Stiles I know memories are probably really close to the surface right now so I'm just going to ask, is it ok if I give you a hug" Derek asks after a moment of silence. I smile a bit and look up.   
"I don't know why you want to hug me after hearing that but yeah that's definitely ok" I say, melting a bit in his arms.   
"Nothing that you've said makes me think less of you, if anything it shows how brave you are" Derek tells me.   
"How the fuck do you get me being brave. I'm repulsed by me. For one I let my best friend/brother get abused and I asked to be raped, how does that equal brave. If anything I should have offed myself years ago." I tell him quietly.   
"Stiles you are not at fault here. Your father and your uncle are the only ones to blame. You did not ask to be raped you asked to be loved. There a big difference. I'm very glad you haven't offed yourself. That would mean I never got the opportunity to get to know you." Derek tries.   
"Your life would have been way less complicated if it weren't for me. Hell Scott never would have been in the woods to become a werewolf if it weren't for me." I remind Derek seeing as he isn't thinking clearly.   
"I know you don't see it yet but one day you will, it's not your fault. Stiles without you this pack would have fallen apart. Please if you feel even the slightest urge to kill yourself find me, text me, talk to me please." Derek begs. I nod and inhale.   
"Yeah I can do that" I tell him. After all he didn't say anything about hurting myself.   
"Good, are you up to eating anything tonight?" He asks.   
"Nah I'm not hungry. Thanks for letting me talk and you know not being completely disgusted. I think I'm going to go back to bed." I say yawning.   
"Ok see you in the morning " Derek says and I head to my room. I sit on the bed and text Scott.   
"Dude I'm so sorry I'm the worst friend ever. I told Derek" I send  
"Bro, you are not the worst friend ever. Not even in the runners-up. And besides Derek kinda already knew. Are you ok?" Scott sends back immediately.   
"Not really. Derek doesn't seem to hate me or be repulsed by me so I guess there's that" I text and receive back  
"Do you need me to come over?"   
Followed by  
"I told you Derek's like that. Isaac doesn't hate you either or think your repulsive. He does want to know if he can tackle hug you tomorrow"   
I smile a bit before sending back   
"Like he actually needs permission :) and no I'm ok for the night"   
"K, get some sleep or at least try to" Scott texts. I feel a little guilty about lying to him but there's no way in hell I'm attempting to sleep without numbing a bit of my senses. I lock my door before getting everything out. I only make two fresh cuts but then I use alcohol to deepen the sting. I put things away and crawl into bed. 

Nightmare gets kinda graphic may want to skip this part  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"Stiles, you’re my good baby boy, right" Matt asks rubbing my back.  
"Yeah guess so" I tell him warily.  
"We haven't gone back to the creek since the first time and that was a month ago. Do you think maybe we could go back so you can show me how good you can be" he asks.   
"But it really hurt last time, can we just play the game" I plead. He lunges towards me and wraps his hands around my neck.   
"Are you sure you don't want to change your answer" he whispers as I see spots. I gasp in air.   
"Let's go to the creek " I manage to say.   
"That's my good boy" he says, kissing me. We headed to the creek after that.   
"I really ought to punish you for earlier but I'll be nice just this once. Get your clothes off and get on your knees." Matt ordered. I did as he says shaking from head to toe.   
He pulled his own pants down and let himself out.   
"Be a good boy and put that mouth to good use" he says smirking. I do as told hoping its all he wants. Once he's hard he makes me stop.   
"Lay down and stay still" he orders. I do so and try not to cry.   
He lays over me and shoves himself in before pumping himself up and down several times.   
"That's it baby, right there. Oh you're such a good boy, my sweet boy. Our secret, right" he pants out. I nod and he shudders, coming inside me and pulling out "Good, wouldn't want to have to slit your throat in the middle of the night." He says kissing my neck as he does.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
End of nightmare/flashback 

I wake up in a cold sweat and make a mad dash to the bathroom puking up what little is on my stomach. I stay leaning over the toilet until the sick feeling wears off. The memory is still on the surface so I strip down and jump in the shower. I scrub as much as I can until a knock startles me.   
"Stiles are you ok" Derek asks and I realize I'm sobbing as I stand under the scalding water.  
"I'm fine, just taking a shower" I manage to choke out. I finish rinsing off and step out. The room is foggy from the heat of the shower. I hurry to dry off and dress not wanting to be naked. I startle as I walk out of the bathroom and face plant over Derek who's slumped in the doorway asleep.   
"Derek what the hell" I ask.   
"Had to make sure you were ok." He mumbles before slumping back down asleep.   
I head to my room and turn on some music with my headphones and hit my special playlist for times like this. First up is Cut by Plumb followed by Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert. I start drifting as 'Goodbye Earl' plays. I jerk awake to find Derek in the doorway.   
"You up to going to school today" he asks yawning.   
"Yeah I need to go, we can't be giving my father any ammo" I tell him. Derek nods and heads to his own room. I dress quickly and head downstairs.   
"Here, at least take this and eat on the way" Derek says handing me a granola bar.   
"Thanks" I say and head out to my jeep. Once at school Isaac makes a beeline to me nearly knocking me over in the process.   
"Down puppy" I tease gently. Isaac laughs against my shoulder.   
"Thank you" he says.   
"Uh for what?" I ask confused  
"Scott told me how often you stepped in to avoid him being hurt that way." Isaac explains.   
"I, uh, no that's not how it went I'm not some hero" I mutter. Isaac doesn't try to argue he just hugs me again. We go our separate ways to class and I manage to get myself in trouble by third period. I sigh as I sit down outside the principal's office. I really hope he doesn't call Derek.   
"Mr. Stilinski, come on in" the principal says opening the door. I walk in and freeze at the sight of my father.   
"What you expected me to not know you got yourself into trouble, yeah right" Dad smirks.   
"You can't, not anymore. You signed me away" I blurt out.   
"Hmm have you seen any papers about that, Roger" Dad asks the principal.   
"No sheriff I haven't. I'll step out and let you deal with your son properly" the principal says smirking at me.   
" Give us half an hour Roger oh and don't worry about that DWI" Dad says and then we're alone. I take a couple of steps away from him.   
"You can't do anything. Not anymore. Derek will know" I try but dad just laughs.   
"You'll shut your fucking little mouth and bend your bare ass over that desk or I'll find a way to have Derek arrested for murder." Dad says while taking off his belt. I stay where I am. He lunges at me and grabs my shirt.   
"Boy you better do what I said if you want to live to see tomorrow." He growls. I nod shakily and do what he says hoping to just get it over with.   
You're just a pathetic little shit aren't you." He says before bring the belt down repeatedly on my ass. I'm quickly reduced to a sobbing mess.   
"Worthless" Dad says putting his belt back on. "You tell your little friends and I'll make it look like they killed someone and turn away when the Argents come gunning. Got it" he asks and I nod while pulling my pants up trying not to start crying again. He laughs.   
"You are never going to get rid of me, Stiles" he says before walking out. All I can think as I walk to fourth period is how the hell am I supposed to hide it from the others and what will he try next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past sexual abuse described, child abuse, self harm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun little tidbit for the day, the character they talk about is actually played by the actor

I managed to make it two whole months without anyone finding out. I was pretty impressed that I could hide it that well. And it's not even my fault Derek found out. It's all Danny's fault, him and his noble conscious. Dad pulled me out of third hour about twice a week for a 'discipline session'. It was always third hour because it was my only class without any of the pack. Today had been especially harsh. He landed a few higher strikes bruising my lower back. I took some pain meds before school ended because I knew Scott would insist on shopping with me for the supplies for our science project. Once we finished and got back to Derek's Danny was already there.  
"What's Danny doing here" Scott asked. I shrug and we head inside. Danny looks guilty but Derek looks pissed.  
"Hey what's up" I ask not sounding quite as nonchalant as I wanted.  
"Well I'm wondering that myself, Stiles. Danny came to me because you've apparently been being called out of your third period quite often. And that you sometimes don't return but when you do you look stiff, what's going on" Derek asks. And I briefly think about how I should have had a lie prepared for this situation but I don't. I stare at the floor in silence. Derek sighs and I try not to cringe. "Scott why don't you and Danny go pick up something for us all to eat" he says and I try not to panic. Scott squeezes my shoulder briefly before heading out with a confused Danny.  
"Stiles, what's going on" Derek asks more softly this time.  
"Nothing, it's nothing" I say though my heart is hammering in my chest.  
"I can hear your heart beating faster, so what's really going on" he asks crossing his arms looking about as moving as a weeping angel while your staring at it.. I close eyes and shake my head. He sighs again and I feel him move close to me. I feel my breath hitch but I don't move away. I deserve whatever he dishes out. I still flinch when his hand touches my head. I can't help the whimper that escapes.  
“I'm not mad at you, Stiles. Please tell me what's going on" he says while running a hand through my hair. I shake my head and feel a few hot tears slip though my closed eyes. I gasp when he picks me up and carries me back towards the couch.  
"Please don't" I whisper as more tears trickle down my face. He sits down and pulls me close. I grit my teeth against the pain when my backside touches his thighs.  
"Shh it's ok, little one" Derek says while rubbing my back.  
"I can't. I can't tell you" I manage to say between gasps for air.  
"Ok, why can't you tell me" he asks running a hand over my back.  
"Not safe" I admit.  
"So it involves your father doesn't it" he asks gingerly. I nod before bursting into tears. He pulls me closer.  
"It's ok, you are safe. Can I ask you questions instead?" He questions. I nod. "Good, this has to do with your father, right?" He asks. I look away and nod. "Has he hurt you again?" Is his next question. My eyes fill with tears again as I nod again. Derek pulls me even closer so I'm tucked up under his chin.  
"He threatened to get rid of us didn't he" he asks after a couple minutes of silence.  
"Yes, he said he'd make it look like you guys murdered someone so that the Argents would come after us. I'm sorry" I tell him.  
"It's not your fault, Stiles. I need you to show me where you are hurt at" he says awkwardly.  
"It's not too bad, you don't need to see it" I mutter embarrassedly. "He uh just spanked me a couple of times" I admit softly.  
"Stiles I need to know you are ok, please be honest with me. I can have Melissa check you out if you don’t want me to see but how bad is it" Derek says. I sigh.  
"I'm bruised pretty badly but other than that I'm ok, there's not any that have been sliced open or anything, I promise. Don't bring Melissa into this mess" I tell him. He ruffles my hair and kisses my head making me blush.   
“We need to document the abuse. I’m not saying you have to press charges but just so we’ll have proof” Derek says. I sigh.   
“Ok, Melissa can do it. Is it ok if I go lay down for a bit" I ask.  
"Of course, I’ll let you know when Melissa gets here" Derek says. I stand up slowly and he sits on the edge.  
“Stiles, we’ll get through this” he says  
“Well I just don’t think it’s worth all this trouble” I say, Derek opens his mouth but I cut him off.  
"Yeah I know, you think I'm worth it even though I don't believe it myself" I basically quote. Derek smiles slightly.  
"Yeah that's it exactly. And I will keep saying it until you believe it" he says. I roll my eyes.  
"Yeah ok but we're not having any Good Will Hunting moments, got it" I say.  
"What the hell does that even mean" he asks and I gape at him.  
"You poor deprived soul. I'll have to educate you." I say. We hear the door open.  
"I'm going to go talk to Scott and Isaac, I can send Danny away if you don't want him to know" Derek says.  
"No, he's always helped us when we needed it. It's ok to tell him." I tell him.  
"Ok, do you need any pain meds or anything" he asks awkwardly.  
"Nah. Let's just go I'll lay down later." I say wincing slightly as I move too quickly. Isaac looks worried as we come into the kitchen. I open my arms for a hug. I feel guilty when he shudders slightly.  
"I should have known something was going on. I'm sorry" he says softly. I hug him tightly.  
"Isaac it's not on you, ok" I try. He shrugs.  
"Danny had to head home, his mom said family was coming in. Are you ok, really" Scott asks. I nod but he turns to Derek.  
"He's bruised but yeah he'll be ok. I do think it’s best if we get your mother to document it" Derek tells Scott. He nods and sends her a text.   
"Hey why don't I grab an ice pack and we can head upstairs for a little bit. The lasagna will have to cook for like an hour anyway." Isaac says. I roll my eyes knowing it's so Scott and Derek can plot without me chiming in.  
"Fine let's go" I say with a slight smile. Isaac gets an ice pack out of the freezer and we head to my room. I feel the tension as he closes the door.  
"Your dad's been whipping your ass in the principal's office hasn't he" Isaac says when I lay down and put the ice pack on my rear.  
"Yeah, how'd you know it was in the office" I ask  
"Uh well dad kinda started doing the same thing. When I got in fights he'd come up and ask the principal if he could 'borrow' his office. Like I said I should have figured it out" he says. I sigh.  
"Look pup. I went out of my way to keep it hidden. I really don't know how Derek thinks he can stop him." I say.  
Isaac sighs and sits down on the edge of my bed.  
"I don't really know either but he managed to get me away from my father and stopped him from coming to the school when he personally told the principal he was my guardian." He says. Then being the sweet Isaac/puppy he starts reading a comic book to me until I drift off. We have dinner later before Melissa shows up. Scott has obviously already told her some of what’s happening because she hugs me immediately. We head back to my room for privacy.  
“I’m sorry to bother you on your night off” I tell her feeling extremely guilty.  
“Stiles honey, I think of you as a son and I will do everything I can to make sure that bastard doesn’t lay a hand on you again” She says honestly.  
“But you guys were you know together for a bit” I say.   
“I know Stiles but we broke it off because I thought he was too hard on you, especially after all you had been through. If I was smart I would have reported him then. I should have, I’m sorry” Melissa says. I hug her.   
“I hid it really well” I say. She nods and pulls away.   
“Ok, I know this is not ideal but I need to see the bruises. I have this sheet you can put over the rest of you for modesty.” She explains professionally. It’s awkward but we get through it quickly she hugs me again before leaving with Scott and Isaac.   
The next day Derek asks me to ride with him to the school.  
"I'm going to go talk to the principal, I won't let on that I found out from you. If you get called to the office text me immediately ok." He says before I get out of his Camaro.  
"Ok I will." I say trying to feel as confident as he seems. He smiles and waves as I walk to where Isaac and Scott are waiting with Danny.  
"Hey what's up" I say awkwardly.  
"I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt." Danny say gently and softly and I relax. "Uh also they asked me to bug principal Peabody's office and keep watch for anything to do with you so there's that." He continues. I smile slightly. After first period he pulls me to the side.  
"Hey uh you should listen to what I've got from the office" Danny says awkwardly. My reaction must look freaked because he quickly continues. "I didn't listen past knowing Derek's now your guardian and he wanted to talk to the principal about you." He assures and I nod. He sends me a link on my phone. I surreptitiously pull out my ear buds and focus on listening to the audio file, thankful that we're watching a movie in class. Someone clears their throat.  
"What can I help you with Mr. Hale." The principal asks sounding nervous.  
"Well it's come to my attention that my ward has been causing some trouble lately and getting away with it because of some paperwork getting lost. I'm guessing you haven't been informed that I'm Stiles Stilinski's guardian" Derek says calmly.  
"No this is definitely new information to me" Peabody says in mock surprise.  
"Here's the guardianship papers, I'd like to have a similar deal as with Isaac if that suits you. I think it will help Stiles in the long run." Derek says.  
"Well usually I just call his father and let him deal with him, you sure you can handle Stiles. He's a troublemaker. " The principal says.  
"Oh yeah I'm sure I can keep him in line. Besides don't you think the sheriff has better things to do then deal with him all the time" Derek says sounding fake calm.  
"Well I never really thought of it like that. I guess for now we'll do things your way" the principal says.  
"Sounds good to me Mr. Peabody." Derek says and rustling sound is heard.  
"You have a good day, Mr. Hale." Principal Peabody says. The door opens and shuts. Silence almost makes me turn the recording off.  
"Sheriff Stilinski please" I hear him say and I sigh.  
"Hey either your brat squealed or Hale figured it out. He gave me paper stating he was Stiles’ guardian. Why the hell did you actually sign him over" the principal asks then laughs after a short silence.  
"Yeah that's true, God knows you put up with more than anyone would expect. Especially with someone like your boy. So what are we gunna do? You promised me I could record a session once a week. That shit's earning me a fuck ton of money." I hear before cutting off the recording and darting out of the classroom. I run until I can't anymore and I collapse vomiting what little is on my stomach before curling up on the forest floor wishing I could be swallowed up forever.  
Derek’s POV   
To say that my phone practically exploded with texts from the pack would be fairly accurate, followed by the call from the creepy principal saying Stiles had skipped school made me worried and terrified. I tried calling him with no luck. I text Scott and had him tell everyone to stay in school and headed out to try and find Stiles on foot. It was barely drizzling when I set out but after an hour into the search I sighed as thunder rumbled and the skies poured open. My guess was that Stiles had headed into the woods near the school and I had smelled him before the rain grew heavier. I trudged along and felt an explosion of mixed emotions, hatred, guilt, shame tainting the air when I finally found him huddled against a tree. He was too out of it to even recognize that I was there. I picked him up carefully and headed back to the den. Once there the freak out began and broke my heart even further.   
"Derek, what happened" Stiles asked as we came through the door.   
"I'm not really sure, I found you out in the woods by the school after the pack text me saying you had left school, let's get you cleaned up first and then we'll talk. It will be a miracle as it is if you don't get sick." I tell him trying to keep my voice soft.   
"Ok, I'm sorry" he mumbles.   
"Can you walk on your own" I ask. He nods so I set him down trying not to frown at the instant distance he puts between us.   
"May I take a shower please" he asks refusing to look at me.   
"Yeah or you can soak in the tub if you'd like, you need to get warmed up" I tell him.   
"Ok I'll take a bath" he says almost robotically. I start to tell him he doesn't have to but decide to just let it go. Hopefully after he gets warmed up a bit he'll be less afraid. I hate every flinch and skittish movement and have to stop myself from going back over every time I met him and little signs that I should have seen. I sit down on the couch to wait. Stiles comes back down quietly about an hour later. He stays standing nearby as if waiting for an order.   
"You can sit down" I say feeling more confused by the moment. He nods and sits silently. I'm extremely aware that I'm out of my depth right now and yet more scared of accidentally damaging him more, not that he's broken or damaged not really ugh I don't know what I mean.   
"I text everyone and let them know you were safe, the principal called and said you had run out. He wants to give you lunch detention for a week. Can you tell me what happened." I ask gingerly.   
"It was stupid, I'm sorry. I just kinda freaked over nothing. I'll apologize to my teacher and the principal." He says with zero emotion.   
"Stiles, are you ok" I ask not knowing what else to say.   
When he responds with a quiet "Yes sir" I flinch and panic a bit.   
"Ok I'm going to call Scott, I'm sure he can get his mom to get him out of class so he can come over and" I begin but Stiles stops me by practically laying at my feet.   
"No please don't please, I swear I'll be good, I'll do anything. I'll be your good boy please don't make him come too, please Matt" Stiles begs as he sobs. I dive away from Stiles and get out the door before breakfast makes its way back out. I text Scott an SOS and slump down on the porch. I don't lift my head when I hear Scott and Isaac approach.   
"What the fuck is going on" Isaac growls. I don't respond because really I kinda deserve his anger. I try to answer but find I can't speak. Isaac starts to say something else but Scott stops him.   
"Stiles is inside, right?" He asks me and I nod.   
"Isaac go to Stiles ok, I'll talk with Derek" Scott says and they have a silent eye conversation before Isaac nods and goes inside. Scott sighs and sits beside me.   
Ok tell me what happened after you got him home. Did he disassociate again?" He asks.   
"Uh kinda I think it might have been a flashback. He seemed ok just kinda quiet and asked if he could take a shower I told him that was fine or he could take a bath to warm up if he wanted and" I begin to tell Scott but he interrupts me.   
"Shit" is all he says before tearing through the house. He finds Stiles in my bedroom where Isaac is standing looking horrified.   
"Derek, Isaac why don't you guys go for a walk or just out of hearing distance for a bit I'll text you when you can come back." Scott says before practically shutting the door in our faces

Stiles POV  
The last thing I remember is telling Derek that I was going to take a shower before I was thrown into a horrible flashback. Matt told me to take a bath and get dressed so I did and then I came back into the living room. I waited until he gave permission to sit. Somehow I did something wrong and he was going to get Scott. I begged him not to by getting between his legs but then he left anyway. I made my way to his room so that I'd be ready when he got back. Maybe he'll just make Scott watch this time. When someone comes in I stand up. I don't recognize him but I figure he's a friend of Matt's. He did that sometimes.   
"Where do you want me" I ask softly making sure not to make eye contact. I hear a voice that sounds familiar and I slam back into the present. Isaac is standing looking at me quite pale and as I glance around I see I'm in Derek's room. Scott come in with Derek a moment later. I drop to my knees as I hear Scott make Derek and Isaac go away but I don't get up. Scott sighs and sits next to me.   
"Are you back with me" he asks. I nod.   
"Need more than that Stiles please" he pleads.   
"I'm here, I know 'he' is not here. I'm 16 nearly 17 and we are currently in Derek's bedroom." I tell him and he let's out a breath of relief.   
"Let's go to your room, ok" he says and helps me up.   
Once back in the room I lay down on the bed gently.   
"Danny said he gave you a recording of this morning from the principal's office. What happened" Scott asked.   
"You know how lots of people think he's creepy, well they're right. He's been recording my 'sessions' with my dad and selling them online. I just freaked and ran. And then Derek found me and brought me here. I was kinda disassociated already and I was going to take a shower but I felt like I should at least ask if that was ok. I went into a flashback after that. Do you know if I acted it out or was I just silent? " I ask dreading the answer. Scott winces.   
"I don't know for sure but by Derek's reaction I'd say you acted it out at least verbally. What did you think you saw. I know it was triggered by Derek asking if you wanted to take a bath instead. What happened after you got out of the bath and came back in here" Scott says now sitting on the bed. I think back to the memory and feel sick.   
"Oh no, oh god. I thought Derek was Matt. He must have been freaking out with how I was acting but then he said he was going to have you come over and I flipped out. Well you know what I did to avoid that" I say looking away from Scott.   
"That explains the look on Derek's face. He's not mad at you BTW. He's flipping out and my guess blaming himself. In hindsight I should have warned him about the flashback thing, sorry" he tells me.   
"Not your fault, Scotty. You can't be responsible for every time my brokenness comes through. Besides I was doing much better. This is the first one in years." I say.   
"I know. I'm still sorry though. Are you ready for them to come back?" He questions.  
"Yeah but I don't want to discuss it right now I just want to sleep, after making sure Isaac is ok of course. Is it ok if I snuggle with you guys to fall asleep? You can talk to Derek after I fall asleep. I’ll make some cookies later that is if Derek doesn't want me out" I say   
"He won't kick you out and Isaac was right you totally are the pack mom." Scott says with a small smirk. I sputter indignantly and say,  
"I am not the pack mom. More like the weird uncle on the side twice removed." Scott laughs as he texts Derek.   
" You totally are pack mom and you know it, you just won't admit it." He says. I fall asleep before Derek and Isaac are back.  
And back to Derek's POV  
We walk silently to the door before Isaac takes off running. I follow him easily enough. We end up in a hedged in area where we won't get wet. Isaac collapses sobbing to the ground. I sit beside him and rub his back until he's ready to talk.   
"Oh god, Derek. He thought I wanted to hurt him and he" Isaac begins before dry heaving.   
"It's ok Isaac. He was having a really bad flashback. It's not anything you did" I assure him. He nods.   
"It's know, I just, Stiles is usually the strong one, he's kinda like the pack mom and it hurts to see him like this." Isaac says. I smirk slightly to hear Stiles be called the pack mom.   
"Yeah I know what you mean. He thought I was his cousin. I freaked out and ran outside. Probably not the best response but I didn't know what to do. Maybe I should have moved him in with you and Scott. This was probably a horrible idea." I say feeling like the worst person well werewolf in existence.   
"Derek he feels safe here normally this isn't a reflection on you personally" Isaac says and I wince.   
"Isaac the thing is well I haven't said anything to anyone and I definitely haven't acted on it and I just never will if he doesn't but Stiles is my mate." I finally blurt out. We sit in awkward silence for a moment while I inwardly freak out.   
"And this is bad because? " Isaac asks sounding a bit miffed.   
"Not bad really just unfortunate. I mean it's me, Stiles deserves soooo much better. I don't think he even likes me" I say smoothing my hair with one hand. I'm shocked when Isaac starts laughing.   
"Omg, seriously Derek? Of course he likes you. I don't know what kind of relationship he's looking for but I do know he likes you, hell the whole pack knows it. You two really need to work on using your words." He says once he controls his giggling.   
"But I have custody of him, won’t he see me as a parent" I ask feeling confused  
"No, trust me Derek he does not see you as a parent. So just take things slow with him. Just be there for him right now, let him know that you don't see him as broken, especially after today. Maybe we can shift custody to Melissa, not right now but down the road, would that help you." Isaac asks.  
“Yeah I think it would” I admit, glad that Isaac at least knows how fucked up I am with consent issues.  
“So just be his friend, ok. And try to remember that he likes you too. I check my phone to see that Scott said we could head back and nod to Isaac.   
"Ok, I'll give it a try. Are you ready to head back?" I ask.   
"Yes most definitely " he says and we walk in silence back to the house. Scott is waiting in the living room. Isaac sits down next to him but not quite touching him. I sit in my usual chair.   
"Are you ok" Isaac asks softly. Scott pulls him to him and nods.   
"I'm sorry about today, I really should have warned you about his flashbacks." Scott says to me with Isaac curled up on his lap.   
"Not your fault, Scott, I don't hold it against you" I assure him.   
"Yeah but I just didn't think about it. We both struggle with some PTSD but Stiles sometimes sees his in detail and thinks it's actually happening. It's been a couple of years since the last time it happened. He's sleeping right now, by the way, he'll be back up soon though. He usually will crash after a flashback like that but then he'll be up and around within an hour. And I've taken his Adderall so he can't stay up for days on end which is what he will try to do because the nightmares are going to be pretty rough. He feels horrible for 'letting it happen' and thinks you might kick him out" Scott says. I feel my heart drop with those words.   
"I'd never do that to him. Is there anything I need to avoid, like trigger words?" I ask.   
"Well don't mention taking a bath is one thing, he has a list of triggers written down, I'll make you a copy if that's ok" Scott answers.   
"Yeah that's fine if he's ok with it" I tell him.   
"He's going to wake up soon, let's head in there" Isaac says and Scott and him engage in silent eye conversation again.   
"Should I stay here or come with" I ask feeling unsure of everything.   
"Definitely come with otherwise it will be way harder to convince him you won't throw him out." Scott says and we head to Stiles room. Within moments Stiles is yawning awake.   
"Hey guys" he says and picks at invisible lint on his blanket.   
"How are you feeling" I ask and cringe at the way he instantly straightens up.   
"Um I'm fine, sorry for earlier. I can have my stuff out by the end of the day" Stiles tells me still not making eye contact. Unsure and afraid of breaking him I walk towards the bed trying to ignore the way he stiffens. I sit on the end of the bed gently.   
"Hey Stiles, can you look at me please for just a moment" I ask. He lifts his eyes slowly.   
"Thank you, I'm sorry for triggering you earlier, I'm not throwing you out. Nothing you can do will make me throw you out, I promise." I tell him. His eyes fill with tears before he looks away.   
"Thanks" he whispers and my heart twitches again for him.   
"We have the rest of the day out of school, what do you want to do?" Scott says breaking the silence.   
"Can I bake?" Stiles asks.   
"Oh god please yes" Isaac blurts out before turning red. I turn to him questioningly.   
"Dude have you ever had any of his cookies?" Isaac asks. When I shake my head Stiles smiles.   
"Ok let's see what we have in the kitchen then" he says and we trail out of his bedroom.   
About an hour and a half later Stiles proclaims the wonderful smelling peanut butter cookies ready to eat. Isaac who got banned from the kitchen after the third attempt at stealing the cookie dough makes a mad dash for the cooling cookies.   
"Halt it right there Isaac David" Stiles says shaking his spoon at Isaac who huffs but stops advancing on the cookies.   
"Derek gets first cookie, you know that" Stiles says ruffling Isaac's hair.   
"Derek please eat a cookie so I can have one" Isaac whines pleading with his puppy dog eyes. I roll mine and snatched a cookie off the tray. I think I've found heaven.   
"Oh my god Stiles how come you've never made these for the pack before" I ask grabbing two more as Isaac attacks the tray.   
"Um well actually I have but uh they never quite make it very far." Stiles stutters out blushing red. Scott smirks.   
" Yeah his cookies are possibly the best thing ever" he says as he grabs a couple cookies now that Isaac isn't vulturing over the tray.   
"Um I’m also cooking some enchiladas and rice, hope that’s ok for dinner" Stiles says.   
"Sounds good to me, but you don't have to cook" I tell him.  
"Yeah I know but I like cooking and it helps calm me down" he admits.   
"Is everything on timers?" Scott asks  
"Yeah we're good for about thirty minutes now" Stiles says.   
Good then it's cuddle time" Isaac says and Scott rolls his eyes but agrees. Stiles blushes but goes with them as they walk back into the living room. I follow silently. Scott sits and pulls Stiles down next to him as Isaac plops down on the other side of him on the pile of beanbag chairs we have for pack nights.   
"Come on Sour Wolf don't just stand there come join the cuddle pile" Stiles says and I sit down somewhat awkwardly. Soon enough though I relax and before I know it I'm asleep in the 'cuddle pile'  
Stiles POV  
Inwardly I'm totally on edge but having cuddles really helped. And Derek falling asleep is the cutest thing ever. Not that I'll ever tell him that, especially after today. He's kind enough to let me stay here but if I told him I liked him he'd freak out for sure. Scott told me he took my Adderall and will leave me one for tomorrow. He was going to stay the night but his mom wanted him and Isaac home so their leaving after dinner. I'm hoping that my other way of dealing wasn't discovered when he searched for extra bottles of Adderall. Isaac wakes Derek up by shoving a cookie in his mouth which is hilarious. We manage to make small talk while eating and I'm told to stay out of the kitchen because I'm not allowed to clean it after making dinner, whatever. I waited until Scott and Isaac leave before telling Derek I'm going to bed. I hate myself for getting my razor out but if I'm going to sleep I need something. It's not out of control, I can stop anytime. After I clean up the new cuts I crawl into bed and sleep for a good couple of hours before I wake up screaming. Derek is standing nearby calling my name. Without thinking I reach for him and he comes willingly offering a hug. I'm mortified to find that I burst into tears instantly. Surprisingly he doesn't tell me to stop or just leave he continues to hold me until I manage to stop the tear flow.   
"Are you ok " he asks still holding me gently. I nod against his shoulder shivering slightly.   
He starts to move and I decide to be selfish.  
"Please stay" I whisper. He sits down on the bed.   
"Ok" he says.   
"You can lay down beside me you know" I tell him.   
"Are you sure that's ok with you" he asks.   
"Yeah you make me feel safe" I admit and he smiles as he lays down next to me.   
"Good" he says and I fall asleep to him rubbing my back. When I wake up its daylight and my head feels about twenty pounds heavier. I find that I have both arms and one leg wrapped around Derek who is cuddling me right back. I groan as the room spins a bit from moving and Derek jerks awake.   
"Hey are you ok" he asks.   
"Yes just have the beginning of a cold" I tell him. He sighs.  
"I'm sorry" I say instantly.   
"No it's ok I'm not mad at you. I just feel like I should have found you more quickly. Then you wouldn't be sick" he says and I snort which is painful.  
"Dude it's so not your fault that I'm sick." I tell him. He shrugs.   
"Do you need any medicine or uh food or what" Derek says awkwardly. I roll my eyes.   
"No I'm fine, I can go to school and everything" I tell him as I move to get up. I feel the world tilt a bit causing me to stumble.   
"Uh are you sure about that you really don't look all that great" Derek says.   
"Aww are you saying I'm not hot today" I say pouting and watch his eyes widen as I realize what I just said. "Oh god I didn't mean to say that" I blurt out before darting to the bathroom before having a panic attack.   
'Stupid, Stupid, stupid' the voice in my head screams once I calm down.   
"Stiles are you ok" Derek asks from outside the door. I can't make myself answer.   
"Stiles please answer me I'm not upset it's ok please just say your ok" Derek says sounding a bit frantic.   
"I'm ok" I mutter knowing he will hear me.   
" Ok I'm going downstairs to fix breakfast, you can come down if you want but you don't have to" Derek says.   
I decide to take a shower before heading downstairs.   
Derek is at the stove when I walk in. I sit down at the table in awkward silence.   
"I fixed eggs and bacon if you feel up to eating that, I really don't know how the whole being sick thing works." Derek says.   
"Eggs and bacon are fine. Thanks." I say and he shrugs before bringing over two plates.  
"Um are we going to talk about earlier" I ask nervously.   
"We can if you want to but we don't have to." He replies softly.   
"No uh I'm good." I say and we eat in silence. Once I finish I start to clean up but stumble a bit due to the fuzzy feeling head. Derek gently takes the plate out of my hand and sets it on the counter.   
"Come on, let's get you settled on the couch" he says before guiding me towards the living room.   
"Wait what no I'm going to school, I'll be fine" I say but let myself be guided anyway. Derek snorts.   
"You are not driving feeling like you are, besides I already called the school and let them know you won't be there" he says as he sets me on the couch.   
"But what about the stuff with my dad and the principal" I ask. Derek sits next to me and I instantly scoot closer.   
"Don't worry about that, it's going to be ok" he says and I sigh before coughing like a crazy person. Derek moves to let me lay down.  
"Oh god I hate being sick" I mutter before flopping down on the couch. I smile as I feel Derek laying a blanket on me before I'm out for the count. When I wake up the tv is on low and I grin when I recognize what's being watched.   
"Dude I didn't know you were a 7th Heaven fan" I croak out. Derek jumps slightly.   
"Oh is that what this is I was just flipping through channels" he tries and I laugh.   
"Like I'm going to believe that" I question.   
"Ok so this Martin Brewer character is really interesting, I want to know how he turns out" Derek admits.   
"Isn't Martin that dude that looks like a younger you" I ask.  
"What, he looks nothing like me" he disagrees.   
"Yeah ok, whatever" I say shivering slightly. Of course he notices.   
"Are you ok" he asks  
"Yeah I'm fine, probably just have a fever now" I tell him. His eyes widen.   
"I have one of those things to check your temperature, Allison said it was a good idea to keep one around. I'll go get it" he decides and nearly runs out of the room. He comes back moments later with a box and a quizzical expression on his face.   
"I'm pretty sure I'm fine but here if it makes you feel better I'll use the thermometer to check my temperature." I tell him as I hold out my hand for the box. He gives it to me and sits back down. I open the box and stick the thermometer under my tongue. I take it out when it's time and cringe inwardly.   
"It's only 102°F right now." I lie as I shake the thermometer to lower the temperature from the actual 104.   
"That's kinda high isn't it" Derek asks  
"No I'm sure I'll be fine" I say before breaking into a coughing fit again. Derek looks unconvinced.   
"Look have Scott bring over some Tylenol and cold meds when he gets out of school then I'll be right as rain" I say trying to smile because Derek caring this much is really freaking me out.   
"Ok, do you want another blanket or I don't know something to drink" Derek asks.   
"I'm ok on the drink front for now and as for heat I'm pretty sure your fuzzy little werewolf self can provide more heat than a blanket" I say and then quickly backtrack. "Uh I mean if your ok with being used as a space heater that is" I ask.   
"Sure I'll be your werewolf space heater" he says smiling. He comes and picks me up before laying down on the couch and pulling me to him.   
"Is this ok" he asks softly.   
"Yeah, hmm that's much warmer" I say and start to drift off again. I wake to raised voices.   
"How the hell am I supposed to know" Derek says angrily.   
"Because it's Stiles he takes care of everyone but himself" Scott chimes in.   
"Hey I resent that" I mumble.   
"You just hush, Stiles" Scott orders.   
"Um ok why are you so mad and where is my blanket it's fucking cold" I ask with a noticeably croaky voice.   
"Stiles, you have a fever of 106. You woke up cold and delirious about 20 minutes ago and then proceeded to pass out again. Deaton's on his way because I know you'd rather him than the hospital but if he says you're going there's no arguing." Scott says and I feel guilty for worrying them.   
"Sorry" I mutter as I shiver a bit.   
"Stiles it's ok, I'm not mad at you, just worried. Derek said you checked your temperature a couple of hours ago and it was 102. Was that really what it was?" Scott asks and I'm horrified to find tears falling down my face.   
"No, I'm sorry" I sniffle and hunch into myself. I flinch when hands touch me.   
"Shh you're going you make yourself even more sick, it's ok" Derek soothes picking me up and rocking me slightly. I manage to calm down before everything goes black. The last thing I hear is quite troublesome.   
"Shit lay him down he's seizing"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past sexual abuse, talk of child pornography, child abuse, self harm, flashbacks to abuse


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I just want to precursor this because the talk Derek and Stiles have about sexuality was basically just me projecting myself. I hope I don't offend anyone by not being able to label myself exactly

Stiles POV   
I'm shocked when I wake up to find I'm in my bedroom at Derek's and not in the hospital. I moan involuntarily causing Scott to startle awake beside me.   
"Hey you, how are you feeling?" He asks.  
"Like I've been through a round with a grizzly bear or a were-bear." I manage to croak out. Scott smirks.   
"Deaton said the seizure was purely from how high your fever went so he had you on an IV until about an hour ago. The whole pack is freaking out so I'm going to go tell them they can come see you. You're not allowed to get up except for going to the bathroom." He tells me. I roll my eyes but nod. He leaves to get everyone and they burst in together. Everyone ends up sleeping in my bed because they don't want to be far away from me. Two days later and I'm going crazy because I'm not allowed to do anything.   
"Dude I'm feeling better, my fever has stayed down, please don't make me stay in this bed another day?" I beg Derek.   
"Deaton's coming over around noon, if he says you can get up then you can but not until then" he says. I stick my tongue out at him making him smile and shake his head. He goes downstairs not long after that. I read for a bit and play games on my phone until Deaton finally shows up.   
"Please tell the warden that I'm ok now" I say as soon as Deaton walks in with Derek. Deaton is silent as he checks me over but deems me better but I have to 'take it easy' a couple more days.   
"I can take a shower though right?" I ask and Deaton nods as he goes to leave.   
I walk into the bathroom with some fresh clothes on hand. I lock the door before reaching for my kit which is even more disconcerting that it's not there. I sigh but decide to confront that later. I feel much better as I make my way downstairs after my hot shower.   
"So I was thinking I'd just run out for a couple of things, do you want me to grab anything for dinner " I ask heading towards the door.   
"I'll just go with you" Derek says making me pause.   
"Dude I can go to the store by myself" I tell him.   
"No, you're not going by yourself" Derek counters.   
"Why the hell not" I ask crossing my arms.   
"What do you need to get" he asks and I falter slightly.   
"I need some new shampoo and body wash, I'm running low" I lie smoothly. Derek frowns.   
"Try that again without lying" he says, my eyes widen slightly, Scott's never even caught a lie like that.   
"I'm not lying you jerk, I'm leaving" I say and head back towards the door. Derek beats me to it.   
"No not until you tell me what you need" he says.   
"Just stuff" I say looking at the ground.   
"Stuff like this" he asks pulling my kit out of his pocket. My heart drops. I take off towards my room not knowing what else to do. Derek predictably follows. I sit on my bed with my back against the wall and my knees curled into my chest. I feel him sit down near me. Silence lapses too long for me and I risk a look up. Derek is sitting on my bed reading but he looks up when I do.   
"How long" he asks and I shrug.   
"How'd you find out" I ask.   
"I was kinda freaking out about you being sick and I started cleaning. I found them under the bathroom sink. I didn't tell anyone else. So how long?" He asks   
"Since my mom died. Off and on. I cut too deep once when I was 12 and Scott found out about it. He takes my blades when he finds them. He doesn't know about these. I've had them almost a year. Are you going to give them back?" I ask.   
"I don't know. If I don't how long will it take until you get more?" Derek asks  
"Maybe a couple of months" I tell him honestly   
"Ok where do you cut?" Derek questions.   
"My legs, why?" I throw back defensively. He raises his hands in a gesture of surrender.   
"I have an idea just hear me out please?" He asks handing me the box of stuff. I nod slowly.   
"I'm going to guess that you don't think it's an issue because you're in control, right?" He starts I nod but stay silent.   
"I disagree but I'm not going to force you to stop. I want you to choose a symbol, something that has meaning to you." Derek says. I feel slightly embarrassed when I immediately say a triskelion. To his credit he doesn't laugh or seem surprised.   
"Ok good. How comfortable are you with me seeing your legs where the scars are, I won't judge" Derek assures.   
"It won't make me uncomfortable" I tell him.   
"Ok may I see them" he asks gently. I nod and head to the bathroom to change because I really don't want to do that in front of him. I keep a towel wrapped around my waist even though I have my boxers on. I sit down and move the towel so he can see the scars. Derek pulls out a black marker.   
"So my idea is this, I'm going to draw a triskelion on each of your legs where you cut. This way it makes you stop and think first. Now if you cut over them I will not be angry but I do want you to tell me. We'll talk about why you did and I will re-draw them. We can even keep track of how long each drawing stays. Do you think you can do that" Derek finishes calmly.   
"I can try" I tell him and actually mean it. He smiles and sets to work drawing on my legs which is kinda weird, by the way. Once he finishes he tells me to go ahead and get redressed. I put the kit back in the bathroom but it seems odd now. Derek is leaning on the wall across from the bathroom when I come out.   
"One more thing" he says and I can't help but tense up. He reaches for me and pulls me into a hug.   
"Absolutely nothing you can do will make me run away, I'm here for you Stiles." He tells me. My eyes sting as I try to hold back tears.   
"Now come on let's go order a pizza and watch a movie." He says as he lets go and pretends to not see me wiping my eyes.   
I fall asleep half way through the Avengers and I wake up the next morning in my bed. I yawn and stretch before getting up and getting dressed. Derek is downstairs fixing breakfast.   
"So I probably should have asked this before but how are things on the school front" I ask. Derek frowns.   
"Things are taken care of. I'll tell you after breakfast. You can start back on Monday just to give you a little extra rest." he says matter of factly. I roll my eyes and sit down at the table. We end up spending the entire meal in silence which has got to be some kind of a record for me. Afterwards we pile the sink with dishes and go into the living room.   
"Ok so what's going on secret wolf." I ask nervously as I plop down on the couch. Derek sighs and sits down.   
"Danny sent the FBI some tips about the principal. They came down hard on him. I looked at the videos to see if we could nail your father as well but neither of you are identifiable on the video and there's not any sound to identify the voices. So just Peabody is going to jail for child pornography and child endangerment. There were apparently several other videos and pictures on his computer. However we don't have to worry about your father either. I spoke with Chris Argent. You can hate me if you want but I told him how you were being treated. Surprisingly he believed me, said the sheriff always seemed off and he wouldn't jump the gun if he brought any 'animal attacks' to him." Derek finishes.   
"You watched the videos" I say my voice breaking.   
"Yeah, I know it was breaking your privacy and I'm sorry I just want to get your father separated from you." He admits.   
"So you know how weak I am then" I say closing my eyes.   
"Stiles, why the hell would I think that. He beat the shit out of you, and to protect us you just took it and kept going. God, your the strongest person I know. Please don't think that your weak" Derek says. I disagree but decide to not argue with him. Despite having earlier thought about going to school today I end up sleeping most of the day. The pack shows up after school and we spend the weekend playing video games and educating Derek in movie culture. All to soon it's Monday morning. I ride to school with Scott and Isaac who spent the night.   
"You ok Stiles" Scott asks after my silence stretches on too long.   
"Sorry yeah I'm fine. Just drifted for a moment." I tell him. He nods. We walk into the school together and everything goes smoothly until 3rd hour. There's a knock on the door and I stiffen seeing my father dressed in his uniform.   
"I'm sorry to interrupt your class, I need to have Stiles come down to the station for questioning." Dad says. Danny looks at me and I give a small shake of my head. I get up and go to the door staying as calm as possible. Dad is silent as we walk to his car. He shoves me into the backseat and gets in before saying anything.   
"So what are your friends planning to do now that they know about our sessions" he asks as we drive.   
"Nothing" I say softly. He chuckles.   
"Yeah we'll see" he says and continues driving in silence. Once we arrive at the station he leads me to an interrogation room. He locks the door and throws me to the ground. I look at him in shock.   
"What if someone sees you" I ask earning a kick to my stomach.   
"No one gives a fuck what I do to you, Stiles. You're a worthless piece of shit. Get that through your head for once" he yells as he throws fists at me. He drags me up by my shirt and slams me into the wall before wrapping a hand around my neck. Things are starting to darken when I hear the door open. I fall to the ground gasping in air through deep coughs. I can barely make out the conversation above me.   
"He's your son for crying out loud, what the hell" a voice yells.   
"He's not my son, he's the pathetic waste of oxygen I got stuck with." Dad says.   
"You can't do this. Thomas Stilinski your under arrest for the assault of a minor, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law" the voice begins. Dad laughs.   
"Nothing will stick, I'm the fucking sheriff of this town, he's nothing but a little fuck-up" he spews. The officer I now recognize as Jordan Parrish jerks my father towards the door his hands cuffed behind him.   
"You have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford an attorney one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you" he continues   
"What the fuck do you think Parrish, of course I do" Dad says and then they're out the door. Derek comes racing in behind them. I'm in his arms before I can even blink.   
"Are you ok, Stiles" he asks not yet letting go of me.   
"I'm ok" I say hoarsely.   
"I'm sorry I'm so damn sorry. I should have known he'd do something like this" Derek begins. I pull away from him slightly and he lets me go.   
"Derek I don't blame you, ok. Please just take me back to school, I've missed enough lately." I tell him. He hugs me again but doesn't argue. Third hour is over so after getting a note from the office I walk to class. I try to ignore all the stares and make it to lunch where Scott and Isaac grab my lunch and we spend our lunch period in an empty classroom. No one brings up what happened but I notice every member of the pack has rubbed up against me at least once or in Isaac's case latched onto me and not let go and in all honesty I'm perfectly ok with that. Isaac shares the rest of my classes so he sticks pretty close the rest of the day until we can finally head home. I frown seeing a police car in the driveway but head inside anyway. It's Parrish who is waiting inside with Derek.   
"Hey Stiles, how are you holding up" Parrish asks. I shrug.   
"Guess your here to get my statement" I mutter and sit down next to Derek who instantly puts an arm around me.  
"Yes that's why I'm here. How long has this been going on Stiles" he begins.   
"Since my mom died" I tell him. He nods and writes it down.   
Has it ever gone beyond physical" he continues. I shake my head. He nods.   
"Ok I'm sorry to have to ask this but your father is insisting that you are responsible for your mother's death. Do you know why he's fixated on that" he asks and I sigh.   
"Because he's right. It's my fault my mother is dead" I say my voice breaking.   
"Stiles, you were 9 yrs old when your mother died, how could you possibly be responsible for her death" Parrish asks gently. I'm aware of everyone in the room waiting for my answer. I know this will be the end of me being in the pack but I might as well give them the answer.   
"My mom had a really rough pregnancy with me, apparently at one point the doctors thought it would be better to abort me but Mom didn't want that and then I was born a month early and it messed mom up she ended up in a coma. They thought when she came out of it a month later she'd be ok but then she started getting headaches around the time I turned six and then they found out that the stress on her body from having me triggered the dementia that finally took her from us. Dad said the doctors told him if she had gone through with the abortion she would have lived several years with no problems, but because of me she's gone" I finish years rolling down my face.   
"Stiles, you" Derek begins but it's too much and I take off out the door. I run as long as I can before stopping and sitting against a tree. It's not long before someone sits down next to me. I'm surprised to find that it's Derek and not Scott or Isaac.   
"They both wanted to come but I asked them to stay behind" he says seeing the look on my face. I realize that this is it I'm being kicked out. I draw in a breath but it doesn't seem to be enough.   
"I understand. I can get all of my stuff together tonight" I tell him. I'm greeted with silence. I glance up to see Derek glaring at the sky. He sees me looking at him and turns to me.   
"Stiles I know it's going to take a lot of time to change these thoughts your father has raised you with but nothing is changing. You're not out of the pack, now or ever. Stiles I don't think I could keep going without you in our pack. You do so much for everyone around you and expect absolutely nothing in return. I want to change that. Parrish left the house but he wanted me to make sure to tell you that he doesn't believe you caused your mother's death. None of us do. I know you don't believe that but that's ok. Please just let us in, let us help you?" He pleads. I nod.   
"Ok come on let's go so you can be tackled by the pups" he says helping me to stand up. I smirk.   
"I'm telling them you called them that" I say and he rolls his eyes. Then he smirks and picks me up throwing me over his shoulder gently. I let out a completely manly, not squeaky at all, sound making him laugh. He puts me down outside the house and pats my hair back down. Isaac predictably tackles me and Scott soon joins the cuddle. The rest of the pack joins us yet again and we fall asleep in the living room. I get up early due to nightmares and sneak into the kitchen to start making breakfast. Surprisingly I'm able to finish cooking before the wolves wake up. They all ravish the food while I sip on my coffee. Scott notices and frowns.   
"Are you going to eat " he asks and I shake my head. He sighs but doesn't say anything. He knows I've gotten more Adderall though. Once at school everyone is turning to look at me.   
"So I hear you got your own father arrested" a jock in first hour says before class begins. I stay silent hoping eventually everyone will forget about it. No suck luck by fourth hour it seems nearly every person in the school has asked me about my father, some in concern, most not so much. Several presume horrible things that end up bringing other abuse to my mind. I get a bathroom pass and head to the bathroom. Cutting is the only thing that can take the edge off when it gets like this. I hesitate as I see Derek's drawings. Someone comes in the bathroom and I freeze.   
"Did you hear about that Stiles kid. His father got arrested for abusing him or some shit." One says  
"Yeah I heard, someone actually asked him if his dad raped him earlier he just turned away and didn't answer. He was probably lying anyway" another voice says.   
"Nah I heard the case is pretty strong but seriously have you met the kid. Who wouldn't want to knock him around" the first voice says, both laugh as they exit the bathroom. I say screw it and make several new cuts. My breathing evens out and I take care to make sure none are bleeding before heading back to class. The rest of the day I keep thinking about what Derek will say when I tell him. By the end of the day I decide I just won't tell him. I head home alone after several assurances that I'm ok.   
"Hey how was today" Derek asks as I walk into the living room.  
"It was fine, why" I ask ignoring the way Derek's eyebrows raise.   
"Lydia text me to tell me kids know about your dad's arrest" he says.   
"Oh well it wasn't too big of a deal I just ignored all the questions." I tell him.   
"Ok, anything happen today" he asks.   
"What's that supposed to mean, you think I can't stay out of trouble for one fucking day or what" I spew. Derek frowns and looks me over before his eyes soften.   
"I wasn't implying anything, I just wanted to see how you were. You can tell me anything, it won't make mad" he says and I know that he knows. I start to say something but stop.   
"I'm fine" I say and head to my room. Once there the guilt overwhelms me. He'd only been looking out for me and I yelled at him. He trusted me to tell him about the cuts and I didn't. I'm such a fucking wimp. After spiraling into self hate I decide to get it over with. I find Derek in the living room reading. He puts the book down when I sit across from him.   
"I cut again" I tell him keeping my eyes on the floor. He reaches out and touches my cheek gently.   
"Thank you for telling me, let's go take a look" he says and I let out a suspiciously shaky breath. He waits as I change into boxers and come back out to sit on the bed.   
"Did something specific trigger these " he asks as he begins to clean them up.  
" I got overwhelmed from all the questions and I went to the bathroom in fourth period. I almost stopped but then I overheard two kids talking about how I probably deserved what happened and I just couldn't stop myself" I admit tears stinging my eyes.   
"Ok. I'm sorry today was so rough for you, we'll keep trying" he says and redraws the triskelions. I get into my pajamas after that and I go downstairs.   
"Why are you so calm" I ask sitting on a stool in the kitchen.  
He turns to me and smiles slightly.   
"Because you deserve gentleness and because I've been there" he admits. My eyes widen.   
"After the fire it was the only thing that calmed me. Of course I healed immediately but still it wasn't something Laura approved of. She helped me find alternatives like working out, listening to music, holding ice until it melts, just different things. And she never got angry when I cut, she drew stars on my wrists and even though I healed, it messed up the stars so she'd redraw them. It took a while but eventually the urges weren't as bad. I still get those urges but I have other ways of dealing. We just have to find those for you. It will only work if your ready to stop though" he says.   
"I don't want to lose control again like today." I admit. He walks over to me and hugs me.   
"Then we'll figure it out, ok" he promises and I think I actually believe him.  
Wednesday morning I eat a bowl of cereal and headed to school. Everything seemed pretty normal which made it that much more disconcerting to find the entire pack minus Derek waiting for me.   
"Uh hi guys" I say feeling weirded out. Everyone is silent for a moment before Boyd finally speaks up.   
"Somebody got ahold of the recording of the interrogation room with your dad and you from Monday and sent it to every person in the school" he explains. I don't even notice that I've dropped to my knees until Scott is in front of me.   
"Hey come on that's it, just breath" He's saying. I nod and stand with his help.   
"I'm ok" I tell them.   
"Look you don't have to go in there today" Allison says softly   
"No I have to face it eventually might as well be now" I say and we walk in together. Everyone is once again staring but this time I see the pity in their eyes. During first hour an announcement is made about an assembly taking place after lunch. No one actually questions me but that may be due to the fact that I'm surrounded by pack members all day. Isaac and Erica even sit in on my third hour class because they have study hall that hour. We gather into the auditorium after lunch where the new principal Mr. Freeman is standing on stage with a couple of officers. One of which is Jordan Parrish. Once everyone is filed in the principal begins talking about how leaking videos stolen from the police is a very serious crime and if anyone has information about who it might be they should come forward. This is met with instant silence. The principal states further more that anyone caught cyber bullying will be instantly expelled. I sit amongst the pack feeling mortified when a woman in a suit steps onto the stage and begins speaking about the warning signs of child abuse and urges friends to speak up if they fear for another student. The assembly ends around the time school would be getting out so we trounce out of the school in silence. Once outside I lean against my jeep and close my eyes just breathing.   
"Well that sucked" Isaac says making me look up. His face is pale and I know it's brought up memories for him as well.   
"Hey Stiles" a voice calls making every wolf around me tense. I look to see Danny headed our way.   
"What's up, Danny" I ask and he glances around uncomfortable.   
"Uh I just wanted to let you know I uh offered to help the police track down who sent the video out" he manages. I smile a little.   
"Thanks Danny, that means a lot" I tell him sincerely. He relaxes a little.   
"Look for what it's worth, I'm sorry it got out and my respect for you has jumped several notches" he says walking away before I can say anything.   
"Come on let's head back to the 'den'" I say making everyone snicker. We have no plans to let Derek live that down. Once back Derek pulls me into a hug before we all sit down.  
"So I guess everyone saw it by now huh" I say since no one else seems comfortable speaking up. Everyone nods causing me to shrink in on myself a bit.   
"Stiles, you are seriously the most kick-ass person I've ever met and yes that includes all the werewolves in this room" Erica says.   
"Did you not watch the video and see me cower like a pathetic little shit in front of him" I say a bit more harshly then I mean to.   
"Those are his words not ours" she says. "You have been through so much shit and you just keep coming. Like seriously Stiles, yes he beat the shit out of you but you got up every day and selflessly helped each of us with our issues. You are so much more than him. We will prove it to you" Erica says sincerely. I feel my eyes sting with tears. She wraps her arms around me and I sigh.   
"Ok enough touchy feely crap" I say and we watch a few episodes of supernatural and have dinner before everyone has to head home. I yawn and realize I'm laying against Derek's chest.  
"Oh uh sorry" I say and start to move away.   
"No it's ok, you can stay there unless you are uncomfortable" Derek says.   
"How are you ok with being close to me" I ask bravely.   
"Because despite what you think, you are not disgusting, dirty or broken. And I intend to prove that to you. Besides I know I can't imagine what you've been through but you told me about your story, I think you deserve to hear mine.” Derek says   
"You don't have to" I promise him. He chuckles and I feel his chest rumble.   
"I know but I want to tell you" he says.  
Derek's POV  
I know you are aware that Kate was responsible for the fire but I actually met her a year before when I was 14. She was a substitute teacher. Some kids were bullying me and she made them stop. She, I don't know, made me seem special. She offered to tutor me. But uh when I went to her apartment she wanted to be right up next to me. She kissed me and I let her out of shock at first but then she told me she loved me and I went willingly, did whatever she asked because that would prove I loved her too. I didn't really want to have sex with her or anyone, I just wasn't interested but I did it for her. I didn't want her to think I was a freak. And then the fire happened. I kept it to myself for a while but Laura finally got it out of me. I told her it was all my fault and told her to abandon me. She refused. She stood by me and never once blamed me. But the truth is my family would still be alive, she would still be alive if I hadn't been with Kate" I tell him playing the devil's advocate.   
"What no Derek, that's not on you. That's on Kate. She used you and then murdered your family." Stiles bursts out. I smile.   
"It's the same with you Stiles, your father and uncle are the ones responsible" I tell him.   
"That's different" he mumbles sitting up away from me  
"Ok how" I ask  
"Because I, I deserved it" he says looking at his feet. Even though I'm terrified that I'm wrong I pull him onto my lap making sure he knows he doesn't have to stay there.   
"No you didn't. What you deserve is to be told that your amazing everyday and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving it to you I will." I tell him placing a kiss to the top of his head. He leans into me staying quiet for a little bit.   
"Can I ask you something?" He finally musters up.   
"Of course, anything" I tell him sincerely.   
"Well it's just you mentioned not wanting sex and uh I've been curious about myself because really I don't have interest in it either but I thought maybe it's just because of the abuse you know. But then people even talk differently than me." He begins.   
"Talk differently how" I ask though I think I may know.   
"Well like how people describe those they 'like'. It's always how hot they are and how they want a piece of that. I mean I understand beauty I do. I've never actually looked at someone and thought gee I want to have sex with them. I mean take Benedict Cumberbatch for instance, his eyes are like this amazing kaleidoscope of color and the angles his face make are just perfect. I mean when I 'like' someone I end up describing them like one would a work of art. And it's not like I'm afraid of sex. I have had it willingly, my friend Heather, but it wasn't magical like everyone else seems to think. I, I don't really even get 'turned on' by porn" he says sheepishly.   
" I looked up asexual and even talked to some people online, they told me I couldn't be asexual because I was abused and therefore that's why I am like I am" Stiles finishes.   
"Well those people were idiots, only you can define your sexuality. And unless you just really want to have a name for it, don’t. You are you and that's all there is to it. Does it bother you to not know a specific label" I ask carefully.   
"No not really. I mean sometimes. I uh like being held and cuddled" he admits blushing bright red.   
"There's nothing wrong with that." I assure him. He relaxes a bit.   
"Well and there's one other thing" he says. I wait for him to continue.   
"I well I have feelings for you. Not like you know sex, just like being close to you, uh you kissing my forehead, I like that. I swear this isn't like some weird misplaced father vibes but uh if you are uncomfortable with it I can you know move in with Scott and Isaac" he tells me.   
"No I understand. I like you too Stiles. I identify on an asexual level and I like things like holding hands, cuddling, taking care of the other person” I tell him.  
"Are you sure this isn't just wanting to protect me because of everything that has happened" he questions softly. "Uh yeah I'm very sure. I liked you before I found out everything. Now I just want to make sure you are cherished" I blurt out before blushing. Stiles twists up to look at me with a grin.   
"Did you just say cherished" he asks his eyes filled with adoring amusment.   
"Nope it was a figment of your imagination" I tell him smirking. He rolls his eyes.   
"Uh huh sure" he says smiling genuinely. A conniving look crosses his face.  
"Does this mean you'll give me feet rubs" he asks.   
"Uh only if you wash them first" I joke. He laughs.   
"Ha, I'm going to tell everyone that Derek Hale offered me a foot rub" he says triumphantly. I roll my eyes and dump him in the floor gently  
He sputters indignantly.   
"Hey now is that anyway to treat your cherished one" he mocks. I smirk before picking him and tossing him over my shoulder as he yelps.   
"Nope this is" I say and carry him to his bed. He sticks his tongue out at me as I set him down. I ruffle his hair and tell him to get some sleep before heading to my own room.  
POV ????  
Finally I set foot back in Beacon Hills. It's been years but I welcome the smells in a whole new way with my power. I heard there was a pack here and headed this way. Hopefully I can weasel my way in and do what I really came here for.  
Revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past sexual abuse, child abuse, self harm, talk of sexuality


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is the dark chapter and the reason for the warning. I don't think I'm too descriptive but please use caution if you feel it may be a trigger.   
> Can anyone identify where the idea Stiles has for his third grade project came from hint it's another tv show   
> I'm working on a new chapter so hopefully it will be up soon.

Derek’s POV   
I’m cleaning the kitchen when someone knocks on the door. I go to it cautiously since all of the pack is in school and none of them would bother knocking anyway. I’m surprised to find a young man a few years younger than myself standing there. He’s definitely a werewolf and is constantly glancing behind him.   
“Can I help you” I ask  
“Um are you the alpha of this territory” he asks seeming scared   
“I am, who are you “ I ask him still feeling cautious. He swallows hard and takes a deep breath.   
“Look I was turned against my will about two years ago. The alpha, she made me stay with her pack. I built up trust though and they left me unchained, I ran as soon as I could. I heard that Beacon Hills had a good alpha so I was hoping maybe I could find protection from you.” The man says trembling slightly.   
“Come on in” I tell him. He does so, eyes darting around as he does so.  
“May I sit on your couch, alpha” the man asks.   
“Yeah, you don’t need permission for that. My name is Derek, what’s yours” I ask as I also sit.   
“Oh uh thanks, my name is Theo.” He says  
“Ok well I don’t make decisions without my pack but I will help you as much as I’m able. My pack will have a meeting this afternoon. Would you like something to eat?” I ask him. He nods. He doesn’t talk much as he practically inhales two sandwiches. I offer him a shower and some spare clothes left by some pack member. He then falls asleep. I text everyone to know we have a pack meeting after school. Scott says him and Stiles will be late because Melissa hasn’t had a chance to coddle Stiles and wants that opportunity or she’s grounding Scott. I smile at this and go back to cleaning taking care to be quieter so as not to disturb my guest. I can’t help but feel uneasy about him but that may just be due to his troubled past. Theo wakes up just before the pack starts arriving. As soon as everyone but Stiles and Scott arrive I explain things and introduce Theo. It’s met with awkward silence other than the general round of apologies for what he’s been through. We decide to order dinner and watch a movie. Isaac pulls me outside.   
“What’s up” I ask him.   
“I don’t know. Something is off about him though. He makes my skin crawl” Isaac says. I sigh.   
“I understand. I have an off feeling as well but if he’s truly running from someone he should be protected. I’ll call around tomorrow, see if I can find him a better fit. I’m not sure we are it.” I admit.   
“You’re not going to let me stay” a broken voice cuts in. Isaac’s eyes narrow.   
“Theo, we were having a private conversation and it’s really rude to eavesdrop but since you are here I’ll try to explain. Sometimes we just don’t fit together but as I told you before I’ll find you a safe place, ok” I tell him. His shoulders sag.   
“I think maybe I’ll just go see if I can find a hotel or something I don’t want to interrupt you all anymore” he says sadly and starts to walk off. I begin to go after him but Isaac stops me.   
“Don’t” he says lowly. I sigh but we go back inside. I tell everyone what happened. They aren’t surprised. About 30 minutes later Scott stumbles in the door bloody.   
“Scott what happened, where’s Stiles.” I ask and Isaac is grabbing him frantically.   
“I don’t know. Someone shot me and then knocked me out. Stiles was gone when I came to. The thing is I think it was another werewolf” Scott says getting sat down.   
“I got the bullet out just needs to heal” he says as he lays back panting.   
“It had to be Theo, but why” Boyd says and Scott goes pale.   
“Who’s Theo” he asks shakily.  
“The new guy I text you about, why” Isaac says.   
“Because Theo was ‘his’ middle name. It can’t be though. He’s dead” Scott says but a bad feeling settles in. I run to Stiles room and find it ransacked. I can definitely smell Theo on his stuff. I can’t help the growl that erupts.   
“Derek, you have to calm down. We’ll split up and find him.” Erica says. I nod and have everyone pair up. Scott stays at the house to recover from healing and sets the alarm system after we leave.   
Stiles POV   
Scott and I are walking to my jeep when he goes down on his knees and then is knocked to the ground by a man who stands and turns to me, Scott unconscious on the ground.   
“Hi there baby boy. Ya miss me” the man says and my heart stops for a moment because it can’t be him but it is. Matt is standing in front of me with a gun.   
“You, how are you alive” I ask my voice shaking. He laughs.   
“Get in the jeep, we’ll go somewhere and talk” Matt says smiling.   
“I’m not going anywhere with you, you freaking bastard” I tell him angrily. He shifts into his werewolf form. I jump back.   
“Get your ass in the jeep or I’ll slice Scott’s neck.” He growls.   
“Ok please just don’t hurt him” I say. I get in and he climbs into the passenger seat.   
“See I knew you could be a good boy” he says smirking when I automatically flinch.   
“Where am I going?” I ask him.   
“Edge of town I have a home base of sorts. We need to have a good long chat” he says and then is silent for the rest of the drive.   
“Get out” he says once we are at a warehouse.   
“No” I tell him weakly.   
“Figured you would say that” he says before grabbing me and pulling me out through his side of the jeep.   
“You are still a whiny little bitch. I’ll get you trained right soon enough. Now you can either walk on your own or I can make you walk in there which will it be” he growls, his hand tightening around my neck.   
“I’ll walk” I gasp and he lets go. I’m shaking once we get inside.   
“Aww poor little Stiles, are you scared of me” he asks. I don’t answer. Which earns me a slap across the face that knocks me to the floor.   
“Yes Matt I’m still scared of you. What the hell did you expect” I admit  
“Actually I go by Theo now. See I didn’t commit suicide. I got locked up in a mental institution under the name Theo. I escaped a couple years ago and got bit by an alpha. I spent some time with her pack to learn werewolf stuff and now I’m here. You took everything away from me. My parents disowned me. They locked me up under a different name and never came back. In fact they removed all traces of me because you and that little shit Scott had to go and ruin my fun. Well I think I’ll just have my fun now before I slice you to pieces for that pathetic waste of skin, Derek to find. He’ll be so devastated that I took his mate. God that will be priceless. I think I’ll taunt them all a bit. Video some of our fun times and send it to them.” He monologues as he walks over to a table and sets up a video recorder before slowly undoing his belt and walking towards me.   
“Please Matt don’t” I beg despite myself.   
“Damn I forgot just how pretty your begging was. I think I might just have to keep you” he says leaning down towards me. I kick him with both feet before rolling over and jumping up.   
“You can’t outrun me” he spews knocking me to the ground just as I reach the door. I go down fighting. I’m sobbing by the time he gets me pinned to the floor.   
“That was exciting” he pants leaning into my face. I spit into it making him growl and slam my head against the floor. I groan.   
“This would be easier on you if you just stop fighting” he tells me.   
“I’m not a kid anymore,” I tell him slamming my head into his and rolling once again. This time I grab the whistle from my pocket blowing it with all my strength. I feel satisfied when Matt cringes on the floor. I make it outside this time before he catches me and drags me back inside. He pulls me in front of the camera and chokes me until everything goes black.  
Derek’s POV   
It’s morning before we are able to pick up a trail on Stiles. Everyone meets at the warehouse where we find Stiles jeep and a video. We take it back to the den to watch.   
Scott pales as soon as Theo comes into focus so I pause it.   
“Scott” I question   
“It’s Matt. I don’t know how but it’s him. Oh god Matt has Stiles.” Scott manages before bursting into tears. Isaac pulls him into his arms holding him.   
“We can’t watch this” Isaac says quietly.   
“It might have a clue as to where he took him” I offer softly.   
“Ok guys clue the rest of us in, please” Erica butts in angrily.   
Scott upon hearing her pulls himself together.   
“Matt hurt me and Stiles when we were younger. It was supposed to go to trial but we were told he committed suicide. Let me watch, please just me” he says. I nod and we file outside. No one knows what to say. Moments later Scott comes out.   
“it was a short video, uh Stiles is pretty beat up but he signed Deaton’s name so maybe that’s a clue” Scott says. We head to the vets clinic in two cars.   
Deaton looks confused as we pile in.   
“What can I help you with” he asks in his usual calm demeanor.   
“Stiles has been kidnapped. He managed to sign your name as a clue. Please tell us you can do something” Scott begs. Deaton’s eyes widen slightly.   
“Yes, I can find him. We have a connection” he says and starts rummaging through his desk pulling out several different things.   
“What the hell do you mean you have a connection” I ask hotly. Deaton glances at me but continues what he’s working.   
“Stiles is training to be an Emissary. He didn’t want to tell any of you in case he failed but he’s actually doing very well. It’s why I’ll be able to locate him. Give me a moment” Deaton asks and everyone falls silent. A flame leaps up before disappearing.   
“He’s at his house. I’m not sure why you were unable to find him by scent but be cautious. The one he’s with maybe able to shield him.” Deaton explains. Scott thanks him as we hurry out. I kick down the front door and find Theo/Matt holding a naked bruised and bleeding Stiles in front of him his claws wrapped around his throat.   
“Come any closer and I end him” He says.   
The others shift behind me. I know my eyes are glowing red.   
He rolls his eyes.   
“All it takes is one little swipe and your poor little human will be gone. It’s nice to see you though Scotty boy, you’re looking good” Theo/Matt says smirking when Scott flinches backwards. Isaac growls.   
“What do you want” I ask him. He smirks.   
“I got what I wanted, didn’t I sweetheart” he says stroking Stiles face. Stiles flinches away. His hands moving slowly.  
“I thought I scent guarded this place pretty well but maybe not, oh well, I’ll keep working on it” Theo/Matt says shrugging. Stiles has spelled out get me to the dresser. I step closer making him take a step in the right direction. He shifts enough that Stiles signs stop.   
“Would you quit fidgeting” Theo/Matt yells and Stiles jerks away yanking the top drawer open before Theo rams his claws into his back. I scream in anguish charging him, my jaws sink into the evil bastard’s throat.  
Stiles POV   
I wake up to utter chaos. I knew my protection spell was in the desk and I mange to grab it and scatter the ashes but then I passed out. Derek is crying as Boyd and Erica hold him back from something. He had blood all over him.  
“Der, are you ok” I ask sitting up slowly. The entire pack gapes at me. Derek wrenches away from Boyd and Erica and grabs me in a hug.   
“How are you alive” he asks softly.   
“I had a protection spell that Deaton taught me. I don’t know why I passed out though” I say feeling confused.   
“He rammed his claws through you. You didn’t have a pulse” Boyd says as Derek just holds me.   
“Oh. Um sorry” I say and shiver a bit as its cold.   
“Could I maybe get some clothes” I ask. Allison grabs some from wherever and Derek reluctantly let’s me go. I dress as everyone tries to pay attention to other things. It’s then that I notice Matt’s body on the ground.  
“Is he really dead” I ask shakily.   
“Yes. I killed him” Derek says softly. I collapse before I can stop it. Everything catching up to me.   
“Please just get me out of here” I beg. Derek helps me up and we head out. Allison and Lydia stay behind to clean up. I’m silent and trembling all the way to the den. Once in the living room Erica grabs a blanket and wraps it around me. The tears fall silently.   
Scott checks me over and bandages my arms and neck where the claw marks are the worst”   
“You don’t have any broken bones but you still look like you went ten rounds with him” Scott says softly.   
“Yeah I uh tried to escape a couple of times. It pissed him off. He really didn’t like the dog whistle” I say trying to pull off a laugh but it cones off a bit hysterical.   
“Stiles may I hold you again” Derek asks. I nod. He pulls me to him and the dam breaks. I don’t notice that Allison and Lydia have returned and everyone is just sitting around Derek and I.   
“He raped me again. I thought maybe because I’m not a little kid anymore I could fight him. I tried so fucking hard Derek. I swear I did.” I manage to choke out.   
“It’s not your fault Stiles. I’m so sorry we didn’t find you sooner.” Derek answers soothingly.   
“He knew how to ward a house. I don’t know how. Oh god. Please just don’t let me go right now” I beg. Derek keeps his hold on me. I eventually cry myself to sleep. When I wake up I’m surrounded by wolves.   
“Hey you’re awake” Scott says when I move.   
“Yeah” I say looking down. He takes my hand.   
“I’m sorry. I wish I had been watching better so he didn’t get the drop on us.” Scott says.   
“I don’t think it would have mattered. Except he might have killed you and I could never live with that” I tell him.   
“Did he say how he was alive” Scott asked reluctantly.   
“Yeah apparently my grandparents put him in an insane asylum under the name Theo and then wiped away all traces of him. He escaped and somehow got the bite and learned how to be a werewolf.” I explain.   
Derek wakes up and shifts back.   
“Hey how are you feeling” he asks. I shrug.   
“I’m not sure. I just wanna stay right here all day, is that ok” I ask.   
“Yeah. I don’t suppose you want to be checked out at the hospital.” Derek says cautiously.   
“Please no” I say and he nods. Gradually everyone wakes up and we watch movies all day. I sleep off and on until everyone has to go home.   
“I don’t know if I can sleep alone” I admit to Derek  
“Well your room is actually still a mess. We can stay right here or if you feel safe enough you can come to my room. I swear I won’t do anything.” Derek says.   
“I know you won’t. Don’t you have like questions and stuff.” I ask.   
“No. If you want to talk about it then I’m here to listen but you don’t have to ok” he promises and actually carries me to the bedroom. I wake up screaming several times but he’s able to calm me each time. I wake up before him and decide to take a shower, slight surprised I hadn’t done so yet. I turn the water hot enough to color my skin and step in. I scrub myself compulsively until the water runs cold. I slip into pants and a long sleeve shirt before heading downstairs. Derek is eating breakfast. He gets up as I walk in.   
“it’s ok I’ve got it” I tell him before getting a plate of food I don’t want to eat. We sit in silence as he eats and I squish my eggs around on the plate.   
“You need to eat. If you want I can fix something else” Derek finally says.   
“No, I’ll try this” I answer.   
*Stupid, now he’s even more concerned. Get your shit together Stiles* my brain helpfully supplies. I manage to get all of it down and give Derek a smile.   
“I’m ok” I try.   
“You don’t have to be” he says gently.   
“Yeah I do. Just let it go please” I beg fixing my eyes on the empty plate.   
“For now, ok” he says and tension floods out of me.   
“I cleaned up your room while you were in the shower. But uh we'll have to go get some new posters, they got destroyed” Derek tells me.   
*he was quick to get you out of his room, probably can’t stand to touch you now*   
“Thanks, Derek. You didn’t have to do that” I manage. He shrugs.   
“I think I’m just going to go lay down for a while, if that’s ok” I ask.   
“Yeah, that’s ok Stiles” he promises. I head up to my room glad to let down the façade of being ok.   
*you’re such a dirty little whore. No one will ever want you now*   
*god you couldn’t even stop your cousin now, the pack knows you’re a weak piece of shit*  
*you deserve to be punished*  
I grab my kit with shaking hands. I don’t want to mess up Derek’s art so I make a couple of cuts on each side of my torso hoping to silence the voice in my head.   
*like that will ever be enough, you ought to just man up and end it. It’s not like anyone really wants you*   
I press against the new cuts and sigh as the voice quiets finally. I lay down and grab my headphones. I feel tears slide down my face as Lady Gaga’s ‘Till it happens to you’ blares in my ears. I glance at my alarm clock and see its been a good 2 hours since I got out of the shower. This time I leave my clothes on as the hot water runs over me.  
Derek’s POV   
I wash the breakfast dishes mechanically wondering how I can help Stiles. My phone vibrates making me jump. It’s Scott texting me.   
How is he today – Scott aka fluffy wolf  
Not sure, he’s closed himself off emotionally -D  
Yeah that’s pretty typical for him actually. Look he’s probably going to be pissed at me but you need to keep an eye on him, he has some self harm issues. -S  
I’m aware. We’ve talked about it – D   
Oh ok. Does he have access to tools he can use – S  
Yes but we have a deal, he’s supposed to talk to me if he feels like cutting – D   
Right now that’s not going to be enough. Just keep an eye on him. What’s he doing now – S  
He’s in the shower for the second time since he got up – D  
Not that I blame him for that though – D  
Yeah I understand the feeling – S  
I’ll keep a close eye on him – D   
Ok, thanks – S  
No problem, I would anyway – D   
After a few minutes of no more texts from Scott I text Isaac.   
How’s Scott doing – D  
Not great honestly. He refused to sleep after a bad nightmare last night. How’s Stiles – Isaac, aka the puppy  
He’s in shut down mode right now – D  
Ok. Take care of him – Isaac   
I will, take care of Scott – D   
I hear the shower turn off so I head upstairs.   
“Are you ok” I ask knocking on the bathroom door when I hear vomiting.   
“Yeah sorry be out on a minute” Stiles croaks. I lean against the wall to wait. He cones out in a different set of clothes.   
“I’m kinda nauseous” he says shrugging.   
“Are you getting sick” I ask concerned.   
“No just other stuff made me feel that way” he admits.   
“Understandable, can I ask you something you might not like” I ask as Stiles leads the way back to his room   
“Yeah I guess” he says softly.   
“Have you had any thoughts about cutting” I say gently. He freezes giving me the answer I need.   
“Yeah I thought about it. But I didn’t want to ruin the triskelions.” He says cautiously.   
“Ok what about anywhere else” I push, hating the way he draws inward.   
“No” he lies.   
“ If you have I won’t be upset, I need to know though” I try   
“I’m fine Derek. I just need some time, ok” he lies again. I close eyes briefly before deciding to not confront it.   
“Ok. How about we go watch a movie.” I suggest and am happy to see him relax some.   
“That sounds good” he admits. He sits at the side of the couch careful not to touch me. About half way through the movie he turns to me.   
“Can I ask you something” he says.   
“Of course, anything” I tell him.   
“Well while I was with Matt or Theo whatever he said something about you” he begins.   
“What did he say” I ask almost afraid of the answer.   
“He said I was your mate that he could smell it, was that true” he says sounding small. I freeze momentarily but he notices and his eyes fill with tears.   
“Oh god it is true. I’m so sorry. God you shouldn’t be stuck with me” he says miserably.   
“Hey I’m not stuck with you” I begin  
“So you can choose someone else. You're not like stuck with me because I’m your mate” he asks.   
“No, we are mates Stiles but I don’t want to push you into anything. And what I meant is I’m not stuck with you, I want to be with you” I explain.   
“No you can’t mean that. Not really. I’m broken” he says resolutely.   
“Stiles, you are not broken.” I tell him. He shakes his head.  
“Yeah I am. I’m disgusting, Derek.” He spews. My heart aches at the sureness in his voice.   
“Is Scott disgusting or broken” I question.   
“What, no of course not. Why would you even say that” he asks angrily.   
“If he’s not those things than you aren’t either” I explain   
“No see its my fault Scott got hurt in the first place. And now I’m even more broken. God Derek the things he did” he whispers reaching up to pull on his hair.   
“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him” I say my voice thick with emotion. I stretch out my hand to still his.   
“You did though. He was going to kill me.” Stiles admits.   
“I know and I could never live with myself if he had. Stiles, I know this isn’t going to be easy but you will pull through this. And I swear I will never leave you.” I tell him sincerely.   
“I keep shoving down my emotions. Like I can feel them under the surface but I don’t really feel them and I want to just stay this way. I did hurt myself earlier, I’m sorry” he admits.  
“It’s ok. I don’t want you to hurt yourself but I’m not angry.” I promise him.   
“I know. I think maybe you should take my kit away. I’m not sure I can stop myself” he admits.   
“Stiles that’s a huge step. I’m so proud of you.” I say reaching for him. He scoots closer.   
“It won’t be easy. I’ll beg for them back. I’ll probably be really horrible to you” he says as I stroke his head.   
“We’ll manage” I promise.   
“Ok” he says before falling silent.   
"Oh hey did you change names of people in my phone" I ask. He grins.   
"I don't know what you're talking about" he says yawning. He falls asleep soon after.   
Stiles POV   
I wake up on the couch alone.   
*what the hell were you thinking, you need those blades*   
No I don’t, shut up, I tell my own brain.   
*yeah we’ll see how long that lasts. You know you can’t stay numb without them*   
I sigh and get up off the couch. Baking will help. A couple of hours later I have a big dinner and dessert finished.   
“You’ve been busy” Derek comments looking around as he comes into the kitchen.   
“Uh yeah it helps me calm down” I admit.   
“We uh should invite everyone over” I continue.   
“Yeah they’ll all be over in a little while actually. They want to see you” he admits. I blush.   
*probably just making sure you haven’t gone completely nuts. They don’t like you*   
I turn away so Derek doesn’t see me frown. Lydia and Allison are the first to show up.   
“Hey” they both say offering hugs.   
“Hey, I uh cooked some lasagna for dinner” I say giving them each a one armed hug.   
“Smells awesome, Stiles” Allison says. Scott and Isaac show up next with Erica and Boyd following. I only flinch slightly when Scott hugs me but no one else tries. Over dinner we talk about the new Captain America movie coming out. No one asks if I’m ok but they do glance at me a lot.   
*they pity you*  
*do you actually want them to ask, you’re so freaking needy*  
“So what do you think, Stiles” Erica says.   
“About what” I ask.   
“Boyd lost his bet with me should he get just a manicure or should I add a pedicure” she asks after a second.  
“Totally both” I say forcing a grin. Boyd sighs and Erica laughs.   
“See batman has decided” she says smugly. Boyd rolls his eyes.   
*haha batman Yeah right. She only calls you that because she knows you’re insecure*   
*they are making small talk cause they don’t want you around*  
“I’m going to go take a shower” I say  
*oh yeah that’s not at all suspicious*   
No one says anything. I search the bathroom hoping Derek hasn’t gotten the kit yet. I sigh when I don’t find it   
*pathetic*  
*freak*   
*can’t even last more than a couple of hours*   
I look under the counter for Derek’s shaving razors. I sigh when I come up empty.   
*ha, he’s got you outsmarted*  
*told you, you shouldn’t have told him to take them*  
*how the hell are you going to sleep without it*   
I slam my fist into the wall without thinking. I freeze for a full minute without anyone coming to check on me. I start the shower and again stay in until it runs cold. By the time I get downstairs everyone but Scott and Isaac are gone.   
*they didn’t want to stick around and wait for your pathetic ass.*  
“We were about to head out, you ok” Scott asks.   
*ha he knows you’re a mental breakdown waiting to happen*  
I shrug.   
He comes and stands on front of me.   
“You’re my brother and I love you. None of this is your fault. So tell that voice in your head to shut the hell up. It’s wrong” he says gently flicking one side of my head.   
*he’s just pandering you* I smile and flick him back.   
“Same goes for you” I say. He sighs and hugs me.   
“Take care of him” I mouth to Isaac. He winks and nods.   
“So uh you have my stuff now” I ask Derek after they leave.   
“I do” he says  
“Ok” I say and turn to head to bed.   
*wow just wow*   
I decide to sleep in the clothes I’m in and crawl into bed. Sleep comes quickly but not peacefully.  
Graphic description of rape and violence 

“You know I used to dream about this day” Matt says stroking my face.   
“Yeah great whatever” I say trying not to flinch.   
“Get undressed” he demands   
“No” I tell him. He shoves me to the floor.   
“I said get undressed” he yells. I flinch but don’t obey. He chuckles and reaches down putting both hands around my throat.   
“If I have to do it for you, it will be with you unconscious.” He spews  
I manage to get some spit into my mouth and hock it at his face. He presses against my throat harder until blackness ensues. I come to when he slaps me across the face.   
“I want you awake for this. See even now you can’t stop me, it’s because deep down you want this” he says positioning himself over my naked body.  
“Please don’t do this” I whisper hoarsely. He laughs.   
“I’ll prove it to you that you like this” he says before shoving himself into me forcefully. He groans as he moves up and down until he comes inside me. I turn my head and puke up bile.   
“Yeah puking is totally a sign of enjoyment” I spew as he pulls out.   
“No but you’ll see just wait” he says bending down and putting his mouth on my penis.   
“No stop” I say trying to get away. He stops and uses his strength to slam me into the floor.   
“Unless you want me to cut it off, stop moving” he growls. I freeze. He sucks on me and makes me come.  
“See the little bitch liked it, don’t say I never did you any favors” he laughs. 

End triggering part

I wake up screaming.   
“Shh Stiles, it’s ok” Derek says his hands hovering but not touching me. I don’t make it to the bathroom before puking all over the floor. I sink to my knees sobbing into my hands.   
“Stiles” Derek says standing nearby.   
“Please Derek give them back. I need it. Please” I beg between sobs.   
“No you don’t” he says. I rake my fingernails down my face twice before he grabs my hands.   
“Please I don’t want to feel. Let me go” I yell trying to pull away.   
“No. I won’t let you hurt yourself” he says steadily.   
“Derek let me go!” I scream pulling to no avail.   
“I can help. I won’t let you harm yourself but I can help. Promises you’ll give my idea a try” he asks. I nod. He lets go and motions for me to follow him. We end up in the kitchen.   
“Here hold this in each hand and clench them.” He says handing me two ice cubes. I do as he said silently. The sensation helps. I sink into a chair at the table letting the ice melt.   
“Better” Derek asks from the seat beside me. I nod afraid to speak.  
“Do you want to talk about it” he questions gently.   
“No. I can’t. You’ll hate me” I say.   
“No I won’t Stiles. You don’t have to tell me but I promise nothing you say will make me hate you” he says sincerely.  
“It was about him. He said I wanted it and was going to prove it. He did too. I’m so fucking screwed up.” I admit ashamedly.   
“Stiles, did he make you orgasm” Derek asks. I nod my head sobbing again as I clench the small piece of ice remaining.   
“Listen to me. That does not prove that you wanted it. It’s just how our bodies are designed. I’m sorry there’s not a better explanation.” He says.   
“But that’s not wrong. Like because it happened a couple of times when I was younger too and he said it meant I liked it. It even felt good sometimes. God I hate myself” I admit.   
“Stiles, have you had health class” Derek asks.   
“yeah I know that orgasm are usual, why” I ask afraid I’ve done something wrong.   
“Yeah that’s right but it doesn’t mean you wanted what happened. I sometimes woke up after a nightmare about Kate and had the same thing happen. You aren’t some freak nor does it mean you enjoyed the abuse. I promise.” Derek says.   
“I don’t know if I can believe that right now. I need to take a shower. I’m sorry for waking you up” I say.  
*way to go now he knows you’re fucked up.*   
“Don’t apologize for that. Before you go how are you feeling right now, do you still want to hurt yourself” he asks.   
“No the urge went away for now, uh thanks” I say  
“It’s not a problem. It’s one way that helped me.” He admits. I nod and head to the bathroom. I manage to get out before the water goes cold this time and head to the living room. I pop in ‘The Fox and the Hound’ before settling in on the couch. It’s light outside when I wake up and I have a nice soft blanket that smells like Derek, on me. The tv is on low replaying the movie. I smirk as I turn to see Derek mesmerized by it.   
“Dude you look like you’ve never seen this before” I say startling him.   
“Uh, I haven’t, it’s kinda cool” he admits.   
“Omg I can’t believe you’ve never seen this before, this is going to be awesome.” I say. As I suspected Derek cries along with me as Widow Tweed leaves Tod at the reserve.  
“I was wrong this is a horrible movie” he says sniffling. I laugh.   
“Big bad sour wolf, all choked up. I shoulda recorded this moment.” I say he glares at me slightly.   
By the end Derek is back in agreement that it’s an awesome movie.   
“Do you feel up to going to school tomorrow?” he asks as the credits roll. I shrug.   
“I’ve missed a lot of school already. I need to go.” I say even though truthfully I’d rather stay curled under the blanket I currently have.   
“I can make sure it’s not counted against you if you don’t want to go yet” Derek offers.   
“No, I’ll go. I at least want to try.” I tell him.   
“Ok” he says and drops the subject. Isaac and Scott come over and we watch Disney movies all day. Bambi is forbidden though. My secret favorite is Beauty and the Beast. As we’re watching it I suddenly replace the main characters with myself and Derek and end up having a hysterical laughing fit that I refuse to explain. My own brain sobers me rather quickly.   
*ha yeah right, you, beautiful. Uh no. I mean maybe as the beast but even he’s better than you*  
Scott and Isaac both stay the night. I pretend to sleep until they both fall asleep then read fanfiction on my phone until 6am. I take a shower before dressing in loose baggy clothes. We eat cereal before heading to school. I ignore the looks of concern sent my way.   
School is absolutely horrible. I was able to get my books out of my locker without panicking because Scott was right beside me but then we got to class and took our usual seats midway down the rows and it’s taking a lot of effort to stay calm knowing people are behind me.   
*if you get up you’ll look like a total freak*  
*it’s not a big deal calm the fuck down*  
*do you want Scott and the others to treat you like the broken thing you are*  
*idiot*  
*freak*  
“Stiles how about you, what do you think?” the teacher says breaking into my mental abuse.  
“Uh, what was the question? Sorry guess I’m just not awake yet” I say smiling hopefully. Thankfully the teacher is in a good mood and lets it go just repeating her question. I make it through class without completely losing it and head to second where I sit in the back so no one can be behind me.   
“Morning, Stiles” Allison says plopping down next to me without question. Unfortunately it’s math class and because the world is out to spite me the example question throws me into a panic attack.   
“Matt and Jane are friends. Matt takes Jane’s physics test paper and will not tell her what her mark is. He knows that Jane hates math so he decides to tease her. Matt says: “I have 2 marks more than you do and the sum of both our marks is equal to 14. What are our marks” the teacher reads. I dig my nails into my arm hoping to throw off the panic attack. Allison turns to me.   
“You ok?” she whispers. I shake my head and try to not draw attention to myself.   
“Mr.Jemell, Stiles isn’t feeling well may I take him to the office” Allison says aloud. I don’t hear the response but she helps me up and out of the classroom. Once the panic breaks I look around and see we are in the girls bathroom.  
“Pretty sure I’m not supposed to be in here” I say. Allison smiles.   
The door is locked, besides I’m sure it’s not the weirdest thing you’ve done, right” she questions   
“No, not by far. That would be my science experiment in 3rd grade. A toaster alarm that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle, I think I peaked too soon" I tell her feeling the panic drain. She laughs.   
“That seems like a pretty awesome invention. What happened to it” Ally asks.   
“Uh it kinda might have malfunctioned and caught on fire. On the plus side we got a day out of school” I explain. She shakes her head.   
“How about you go rest in the nurse’s office. I’ll get your work for you” Allison offers. I nod. She walks me to the office.   
“Hey there Cindy, it ok if I lay down for the rest of the period” I ask the nurse. She smiles and nods. Allison squeezes my hand before leaving.  
*screw up*  
*bet Allison just feels sorry for the poor little head case*  
*you’d be better off dead*   
I pull out my phone to text Derek.   
I can’t do this – Stiles  
Do you want me to come pick you up – Sour wolf  
No, I mean the whole not cutting thing. I need to – Stiles  
Do you have access to a rubber band – Sour wolf  
Uh yeah, why – Stiles   
Put it on your wrist and snap it a couple of times – Sour Wolf.  
Ok, I’ll try it – Stiles  
Good – sour wolf  
And Stiles I’m proud of you for texting me – Sour wolf  
I get a rubber band from Cindy before heading out. I hide in the bathroom to avoid the crowd and take the opportunity to snap the rubber band. It helps a bit. By the end of the day there are bruises forming. Scott and Isaac are both staying after school so I head home alone.   
*you could just accidentally run off the road*  
*it wouldn’t really be suicide*  
*they might miss you for a couple of days but they’d get over it*   
“NO SHUT THE HELL UP” I scream to my silent jeep.   
*yeah cause yelling at yourself is totally not a sign of insanity*  
I sigh and put the jeep in park. I snap the rubber band a few times before heading inside.   
“Hey, how’d it go” Derek asks when I sit down beside him on the couch.   
“Uh, I don’t think the rubber band is a good idea for me” I admit  
*would you shut up, he’s going to take it away from you*   
“That’s ok, we’ll try other things. Just out of curiosity, why do you think it won’t work” Derek asks calmly.   
*Don’t show him*   
I roll up my sleeve. Derek reaches out for me slowly.   
“I’m sorry” I rasp out trying not to cry.   
“It’s ok Stiles” Derek says softly. He pulls the rubber band off.   
“I have a friend who’s actually part of a pack, she’s a therapist” Derek begins.   
*see now he thinks you’re crazy. He’s going to lock you up*   
“I’m fine. I don’t need to talk to a shrink” I interrupt.   
“Stiles” Derek tries before I explode.   
“No. Don’t Stiles me. I know I’m fucked up. I know I’m just a broken little whore of a toy, I know I don’t deserve to even be here. I don’t need some shrink telling me how bad I am and how I should be grateful I’m not in an institution where I belong” I yell before turning and heading to my room. I don’t bother with headphones before cranking my angry playlist that consists of Metallica, Disturbed, AC-DC and Def Leppard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape, violence, death of a not nice character, self harm, suicidal idealations, very minor, flashbacks


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for just leaving it hanging, that was not my intention at all. RL just got in the way of writing. There is definitely much more to come.  
> Some of the ideas for healing come from personal experience like replacing the person with someone else and the issues with accepting the fact of having disorders. 
> 
> I also feel I should clarify the part that comes from my own life would be the uncle as a child only it was my cousin. My parents have never hit me, they prefer to use words so my own story isn't really that bad. I'm just a freak that likes to write dark stuff, I guess.

Stiles POV  
Derek knocks on the door three songs later.   
“What do you want” I ask, having calmed down a little  
“May I come in” he asks. I turn the music down.   
“I guess so” I say and the door opens.   
“I’m sorry for upsetting you” he says, sitting in a chair. I shrug.   
“I do not think that you are broken or any of the horrible things you said about yourself. I only suggested what worked for me” he explains.   
“You went to therapy” I ask, a bit shocked.  
“Kinda, she’s not really like other therapists. Can you maybe just give her one try, I swear if you don’t like it, you don’t have to go again” Derek says. I sigh.   
“I guess I can. I know I need help.” I admit feeling defeated.   
“You know that’s not a bad thing, right? Everyone needs help at some point. In fact you being able to admit that you need help is a huge step in itself.” He tells me.   
“It makes me feel weak and pathetic. I don’t know why. It’s just like I should be better than this, I should be able to just get over it” I explain to Derek.  
“I understand that feeling. I think maybe you and I are a lot alike in this way. We hold ourselves to this unattainable pedestal of achievement and even the smallest mistake makes you feel like a failure, am I right? “Derek asks.  
“Yeah, that’s it exactly. Like I would never hold anyone else to the same standard but when it comes to me, it’s different. It has to be perfect, which I never am.” I say gloomily.  
“Ok, well let’s try what I did in the beginning. You are going to treat yourself as you would Scott or Isaac if they came to you having the same issues, think we can try it” he questions. I shrug which he accepts as yes.   
“Ok then if Scott came to you and said he was having nightmares about *him* what would you tell him” Derek continues.  
“That it’s understandable that he’s having nightmares. He went through hell and survived.” I say easily.   
“Now replace Scott with you, just add your name and say the same thing.” Derek advises. I take a deep breath before speaking.  
“Stiles, it’s ok you are having nightmares. You went through hell and survived.” I say my voice wobbling before I promptly burst into tears. Derek pulls me into his arms holding me as I cling like a baby monkey.   
“I’m so proud of you Stiles. You did good” he tells me while rubbing my back. I manage to calm down a few minutes later.  
“What do you want for dinner” Derek says, easily changing the subject.  
“I’m not really hungry but just something easy to manage ,I guess. I’m going to take a shower” I tell him, reluctantly letting him go.   
“Alright, I’ll be downstairs” he says running a hand through my hair before leaving. I take a nice hot shower, feeling slightly better for once. I find Derek downstairs cooking some meat on the stove.   
“Tacos sound easy?” he asks when I sit down at the bar.   
“Yeah, that’s one of my favorites actually” I tell him.   
“Really, me too” Derek admits smiling.   
“So I went ahead and talked to my friend, she can see you tomorrow around 10 if you still want to try” He informs me after a stretch of silence.  
“Yeah, I’ll try” I promise. We talk about other favorite things over tacos before settling in to watch Psych.   
“This show is so freaking hilarious” I say yawning.   
“Yeah, it’s actually my go to for when I’m feeling down.” Derek tells me, catching the yawn.  
“Well lets head up and try to get some sleep” He says standing and stretching. I nod even though I have zero plans to sleep. I end up falling asleep anyway only to wake up screaming. Derek is standing in the doorway.   
“Would it help if you had someone with you” he asks hesitantly.  
“I can’t make you do that, Derek” I say looking down.   
“You wouldn’t be making me do anything. I offered because I can.” He says gently. I nod.   
“Yeah, it would help” I say barely more than a whisper. He nods and comes to lay beside me. I fall asleep surprisingly quickly. I wake to Derek shaking me gently. I startle and flail smacking him in the face in the process.   
“Oh god, sorry” I say as he stumbles backwards.   
“No its ok, I shouldn’t have touched you to wake you up” he says. I yawn and stretch.   
“We need to leave soon to head to the appointment” he says.   
“Alright ,I’ll get dressed” I say. He nods and heads out of my room. I meet him downstairs trying to not show how nervous I am.   
“Hey calm down, it’s going to be ok” Derek says rubbing a hand over my head.   
“What if she wants to lock me up” I ask  
“She wouldn’t do that and besides I would not let that happen, ok” he promises. I nod. He kisses my forehead and we head out.   
“Do you want me to come in with you or wait out here” Derek asks when my name called.   
“Here is ok” I tell him and follow the lady with the clipboard. I sit down in the chair that gives me the most view of the room. The lady sitting in one of the chairs smiles at me softly.   
“Hi Stiles, my name Mica.” She begins.   
“I guess, nice to meet you” I say, chewing on my nail.   
“Derek has only told me that he thought I could help you work through some stuff. I can wager a guess that it has to do with abuse because that is what I specialize in but that’s all I know ,well except that you are an amazing guy who deserves way better than what life has handed you” she tells me. I smirk.   
“Derek said that didn’t he” I say. She nods.   
“Um ok well what do you want me to talk about first. Like just jump straight into the abuse or what” I ask, feeling my stomach churn.   
“No, let’s start with a little bit about you first” she assures me.   
“Oh, well I’m only one of two humans in our pack, but the less helpful one. Allison is bad ass. I’m 16 but will be 17 next week. My best friend is named Scott. He’s a werewolf because of me, I’m kinda smart and school work is easy for me. Uh I can jump subject trains faster than most people are able to think. I have the profound gift of word vomit, always at the worst time, I like writing but don’t really let anyone read what I write. Uh that’s all I can think of at the moment” I say.   
“I’d that’s a great start. Humans are a very important part of a pack and Derek speaks very highly of you.” She says   
“Eh, he’s biased” I tell her blushing slightly. She lets it rest.   
“Alright now I’m required to ask a list of questions just to see where we need to start. Just answer honestly and know that nothing you say will lead to anything else, ok” she asks. I nod. She asks a bunch of questions that I know from my research are for PTSD and depression screening.   
“So how high did I score” I ask once she finishes.   
“Well you definitely have PTSD and that compounds the depression but neither of these things mean you are weak. You are seeking help which is the first step to helping manage the PTSD.” She says  
“So in other words I’m broken like a used up toy and you’re the lucky ones who gets to attempt to put me back together” I say darkly.   
“Stiles having PTSD does not make you broken.” She responds  
“That’s not what my dad said. I was diagnosed years ago so I know it’s there. It makes me weak and a burden to those that have to be around me and put up with me.” I tell her while inspecting my fingernails.   
“That is the biggest fucking load of bullshit that I’ve heard in a while” she says causing me to stare at her in shock. She smirks.   
“I’m not big on cursing but it got your attention so you know, whatever works” she says  
“Just because you’ve experienced trauma and have PTSD as a result, does not make you a burden. Your father was wrong.” She continues  
“Yeah but he told me his father was severely abusive to him growing up and he wasn’t weak and pathetic having stupid disorders like I do and he went through a lot more than me” I attempt to explain.   
“Stiles, do you still live with your father” Mica asks.  
“No, Derek found out he’d been hitting me and I live with him now” I say softly.   
“Good, you don’t need that crap on top of everything else you are dealing with. There is no certain level of trauma that you have to experience to qualify as ‘bad enough’ to justify having PTSD. I’ve dealt with clients who have PTSD due to a car wreck. You are going to have to accept that you do have PTSD and that it’s not a weakness. If anything it’s your brain’s way of protecting you.” She tells me.   
“So it’s not something that is just wrong with me like I’m not weaker than normal people?” I ask.   
“No it is not something that is wrong with just you. Anyone can have PTSD. Can you accept that” she asks. I nod feeling my eyes burn.   
“Good, that’s a start. We don’t have to get into details but is your father the only abuse you’ve dealt with” she asks  
“No. Um when I was 7 my uncle started taking advantage of me. It went on until I was 11. I was told he committed suicide but he came after me uh four days ago. He hurt me again” I finish in a whisper.   
“Stiles have you been checked out by a doctor since that happened” Mica asks softly.   
“No, I’m not hurt anywhere. He was, I guess, gentle” I say  
“I think you still need to be checked out though. There’s a possibility of passing diseases.” She tells me. I freeze at those words.   
“Oh god” I say before lunging towards the nearest trashcan. Puking up bile, not so much fun. Mica is hovering nearby.   
“I'm sorry, I tried to ease into that” She says.   
“It’s ok. I’ll get checked out” I say. She hands me a bottle of water.   
“Thanks” I say and she nods.   
“I think we are done for the day. Let’s start out with once a week and see how that goes” she tells me.  
“Ok, uh thanks, you aren’t what I expected” I tell her. She smiles.   
“I would like to ask you to do one thing. When you have a flashback or nightmare, write it out, journal it, does that sound doable” she asks.   
“Yeah uh I actually have a list of triggers I can bring if you want” I tell her.   
“That would definitely be helpful.” She says and walks me back to the waiting room.   
Derek gets up as I walk in.   
“Same time next week” Mica says and he nods. We don’t speak until we are back in his Camaro.   
“So, do you think you can see her again” he asks  
“Yeah, she’s not what I expected” I tell him. He nods.   
“Oh trust me I know. Do you want to pick up something to eat before we head back to the house” he asks   
“Yeah but uh first we need to stop and see Deaton” I say  
“Why, is everything ok” he asks alarmed.  
“Mica suggested I have some tests run in case Matt gave me anything” I manage to say while staring out the window.   
“Ok to Deaton it is then. He uh told us about your training” Derek tells me.   
“Yeah I figured he might. You let him know I was ok, right” I ask.   
“Yeah Lydia and Allison told him you were ok. They didn’t go into details and he didn’t ask” Derek says. We drive the rest of the way just listening to the radio. I go in at the clinic by myself. Deaton smiles warmly upon seeing me.   
“Its good to see you, Stiles. It’s been a while since we’ve talked. Scott told me about your father. I’m glad you are away from him” Deaton says.   
“Thanks. Uh I’m here for a couple of reasons. I ended up having to use that protection spell you taught me but I passed out afterwards” I explain.   
“Were you hurt at the time” he asks.   
“Yeah and uh the werewolf that had me rammed me with his claws” I admit. Deaton pales a bit.   
“You are very lucky that it worked at all then. You are stronger than you think with your magic. That protection spell usually just keeps you balanced when injured. The fact that it saved your life says a lot about your spark” he explains.   
“Oh uh well the other thing is he uh, did stuff to me, I need you to run some tests on me” I stutter out.   
“I’m sorry Stiles ,I need a bit more info than that” Deaton says calmly.   
“ Oh uh the ones that test for STD’S” I say staring at my shoes. I jump when a beaker nearby shatters.   
“I'm sorry Stiles, I didn’t mean to lose control like that” Deaton says. He sets about getting things that he needs. He has me sit on one of the exam tables while he draws a couple vials of blood. He also does a swab test.   
“Stiles, I know you haven’t been seen by a doctor. Would you be ok with me checking you over to make sure everything is ok” Deaton asks.   
“You don’t have to do that, I’m ok. He didn’t make me bleed or anything” I say feeling ashamed. I’m startled when Deaton takes my hand.   
“There is nothing to be ashamed of Stiles. This was not your fault. Just because there wasn’t any blood doesn’t mean there isn’t damage but if you are uncomfortable I won’t press it.” He tells me. I tear up and look away.   
“I can’t , I’m sorry” I say.   
“No its ok, you don’t need to apologize. Can you look at me though” He asks softly. I turn to him tears burning my eyes.   
“I can’t have kids of my own and in working with you and Scott I’ve come to feel protective of you. If you need anything ,and I mean anything, I’m here for you.” He tells me sincerely making my heart ache. I’ve secretly thought of him as a father figure for the last year. I decide to test it out.   
“Could I uh just have a hug. I mean it’s cool if not” I say looking away. Deaton pulls me towards him hugging me gently.   
“That’s something that you never have to ask for. You can always have a hug” he says. I feel a few stray tears run down my cheeks.   
“Thanks” I say pulling away and wiping my face.   
“Anytime, ok. I’ll run these tests and get back to you alright” he says squeezing my shoulder gently. I nod and head back out to Derek.   
“Everything ok” he asks. I nod.   
“He's going to run all the tests and let me know” I explain.   
“Ok. How about some curly fries” he says and I smile. 

Scott’s POV   
So I’m really not doing very well at all. Isaac is trying to help but I feel horrible when I flinch away from even his touch. I skipped out of school early to talk with Deaton see if I can get something to help me calm down. I enter through the back surprised there are no cars out front.   
Hey Deaton, hope you don’t mind that I’m early, what the hell” I say shifting at the sight of broken glass and trash around the room.   
“Whoa, whoa, it’s ok Scott, this was me. Sorry, I was going to have it cleaned up before you got here.” Deaton says. I shift back.   
“Um so did you like get hulk angry or what” I ask. He smiles.  
“I uh needed to let out some anger, yes. I didn’t break anything I can’t get more of” he says shrugging.   
“I've worked with you for two years and have never seen you lose your cool, what happened” I ask concerned.   
“Stiles came by, sort of told me what happened with him being kidnapped” Deaton says. I flinch at that, his brows furrow immediately.   
“I know that can’t be easy for you Scott. Are you doing alright” he asks.   
“Not really, no. Uh see the guy that did this, he uh we knew him from childhood. We were told he was dead. You know when you asked if someone had hurt me, it was him” I admit.   
“God, both of my boys” Deaton exclaims making my eyes widen   
“You think of me as your own” I ask  
“Of course, Scott. I’ve never kept someone working with me as long as I have you. Is that ok” he asks and I smile.  
“Yeah, I don’t know why you picked me but I’m honored actually” I admit.   
“Good. Anyway Stiles asked me to run some tests on him. That’s how I found out what had happened.” Deaton tells me.   
“Oh god, you don’t think he gave him anything ,do you” I ask instantly concerned   
“I hope not but we are running tests to be safe. Now you are here early, what’s up” He asks.   
“Oh uh I’m having issues with what happened. I mean nothing even happened to me. He just said one sentence to me and now I'm jumping at everything.” I tell him.   
“What did he say” Deaton asks.   
“He said hi but he called me what he called me back when we were kids. Now I can’t even handle Isaac touching me” I say feeling exasperated.   
“Scott did you ever get counseling for what happened.” Deaton asks.  
“No, mom wanted to but she had just kicked dad out and she had my hospital bill.” I tell him  
“Its ok, I don’t blame your mother, she did what she could, I know. I think maybe you should see someone now, I will cover the cost” Deaton says. I sigh  
“Yeah that’s probably a good idea. There’s a lady that Isaac saw for a while. She knows about the supernatural stuff. I’ll ask him about it” I say.  
“Scott, you know there’s no shame in seeing a therapist right” He questions, I shrug.   
“I don’t know, I just feel what I’ve been through wasn’t that bad, you know” I say.   
“I understand that but you can’t compare and besides you are minimizing your experience ,you've had to tell yourself that it wasn’t that bad in order to get by, but Scott you’ve been through a hell of a lot” Deaton says firmly.   
“I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it. But I was hoping maybe you would have something to help me with the anxiety.” I say biting my lip.   
“I can give you a natural tea to drink before bed that will help but I’m not giving you any medications.” Deaton says. I sigh.   
“Kinda figured that’s what you’d say” I tell him. He shakes his head.   
“Once you start seeing someone if you still need some help we’ll revisit the idea” Deaton promises. He mixes up some stuff and makes two bags of it.   
“Take this one to Stiles, you can have the rest of the day off. I’ve closed up anyway” He says. I nod and thank him before heading back to the school to catch a ride. Thankfully Allison and Lydia are just leaving when I come up.   
“Hey can you take me to Derek and Stiles” I ask.  
“Yeah how is he anyway” Allison asks as I slide into the backseat.   
“I’m not sure, Derek text me to say he wouldn’t be at school today and he was ok.” I explain. We spend the rest of the drive talking about hard classes.   
Derek’s POV   
Once back home we watch a couple of movies before Stiles gets restless and heads to the kitchen. I walk in sniffing making him giggle.   
“You are totally setting yourself up for a dog joke sniffing like that, just saying” Stiles says smirking. I roll my eyes.   
“It smells really good, what are you fixing” I ask  
“Chili. It’s uh my mom’s recipe. I found it when I was spot cleaning the kitchen one day.” He says softly. I run a hand through his hair. It seems to have a calming effect on him.   
“Lucy, I’m home” Scott shouts bursting in the door. Stiles laughs.   
“RICKY” Stiles whine shouts and Scott laughs as he comes into the kitchen.   
“What are you two doing” I ask. They both gape at me.  
“That was from I love Lucy, you’ve seen it, right” Stiles asks.   
“Uh, no is it a movie” I say. Stiles eyes bulge and Scott grabs his chest.   
“Oh my god, we have to inform everyone” Stiles says  
“Inform everyone of what” Allison asks as she and Lydia come in.   
“Derek here has no idea what I love Lucy is” Scott says. They both gape at me as well  
“We’ll be back. I have all of them on DVD” Lydia says grabbing Allison’s hand and practically running out the door. Scott is texting wildly and Stiles has gone back to cooking.   
“Ok, I love Lucy is like one of the most iconic shows ever. It’s a comedy show of a husband and wife. She is a bit batty and tries all sorts of things in her attempt to get famous.” Stiles explains before looking at Scott.   
“Vitameatavegamin” they both say before cracking up.   
“Isaac is with Erica and Boyd. They’re on the way now to help fix this crisis” Scott says. I roll my eyes.   
“Dude this is like not knowing what a smore is” Stiles says.   
Nearly an hour later we are gathered around the tv with our bowls of chili to watch the sacred, I Love Lucy. It’s one in the morning before we turn it off and I have to admit it’s an amazing show. Everyone just stays the night piled together.   
I wake up to screaming and turn to Stiles, who is for once sleeping peacefully against me. It’s Scott that is screaming. Stiles jolts awake.   
“No, leave him alone” Scott yells. Isaac looks panicked just hovering but not touching him. Stiles crawls over to him and puts a hand on his ear rubbing it. Scott jerks awake and grabs Stiles holding him as he cries.   
“I thought you were dead” he whispers. Stiles rises and pulls Scott with him gesturing for Isaac to follow.   
Everyone goes back to sleep. I feel bad for eavesdropping but I want to be sure Scott is ok.   
“How many times have you had this dream, Scotty” Stiles asks. Scott sighs.   
“A few times, sorry” Scott says  
“Why are you sorry, it’s not your fault your having nightmares again” Stiles says, his tone self depreciating.  
“Its not your fault either” Scott and Isaac say in unison making me smile.   
“Agree to disagree. Look I know your mom probably doesn’t have the money but I could chip in so you can see someone, if you want” Stiles says  
“I think maybe you are right it is time I see someone. Uh but actually Deaton has already offered to pay for it. Isaac do you know if the lady that you saw is still available” Scott asks.   
“Uh I’m not sure I’ll have to ask Derek but probably so” Isaac says  
“Wait, do you mean Mica” Stiles asks  
“Yeah how do you know her” Isaac asks  
“Oh uh well I kinda started seeing her today” Stiles mumbles  
“Oh my God how did Derek convince you to see someone, especially after the last one” Scott asks.   
“Because I know I’m not ok. I also gave him my uh kit” Stiles answers and then squeaks. I surmise Scott is hugging him.   
“Dude, I am so freaking proud of you” Scott says his voice wavering.   
“I don’t know why” Stiles whispers. Scott sighs.   
“Because I know that was hard to do and you’re my brother, I’ll always be proud of you” Scott answers.   
“Yeah ok enough with the mush” Stiles answers.   
“You two talk, I’m going to go lay back down, ok” he says before walking back into the living room and plopping down next to me.   
“You were listening to us” he whispers. I blush at being caught.   
“I just wanted to make sure he was ok. Sorry” I say. He smiles and leans up to me pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before drawing back looking at me anxiously. I don’t let the surprise show but offer a soft smile and run my hand through his hair. He lays back against me and closes his eyes. I sigh and do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm, talk of abuse, rape aftermath in that Stiles needs to be tested for STD’S, therapy. I think that's it please let me know if I left anything out. 
> 
> Sidenote: I didn't really plan for Deaton to be a father-like figure it just kinda happened as I was writing and I liked it so it stayed, hope it is well received.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to edit chapter, sorry if that confuses anyone. Also very sorry for the long wait I've been sick off and on and seem to be stick in what should happen next in the story. I'm totally down for ideas of anyone has them.

Stiles POV  
It has been a few months since I started seeing Mica. I’m sort of doing better. Mica says it gets worse before it gets better. I at least can handle school, well mostly. I have a beta blocker to help with anxiety but this week I only had to take it three days instead of every day. The pack has been extremely protective and clingy. I initiated pack time every day after school after Lydia was the third one to freak out at school until she scented me. I have kinda moved into Derek’s bedroom. Well only sort of. I sleep in there but I still have my own room. My homework this week is to start swimming. It didn’t go well today. There’s a lot of bad memories associated with water for me. The idea behind going is to not panic or freeze up at the thought of deep water. 

“Hey, you busy” Isaac says startling me from my writing.   
“Nah just journaling, what’s up” I ask turning to him. He sits on the bed silently, worrying his lip.   
“Come on pup, what are you chewing on” I pry gently. He sighs.   
“I wanna take Scott on a date” he says in one breath  
“Um, ok. Why are you worried” I ask  
“We’re doing better, he doesn’t flinch away from me. He said he likes me touching him. I’m not talking sex or anything but I want to be romantic do you get what I mean.” He explains nervously   
“Yeah, I understand. You want intimacy” I say   
“Uh, I guess but I’m so scared of triggering him” Isaac admits  
“That’s understandable, how can I help” I offer freely. He sighs in relief. I pat the bed beside me and he sits down  
“Well there are lots of ways to be intimate and not involve sex” I begin, feeling my cheeks heating up.  
“Um like kissing” Isaac asks timidly. I wince slightly.   
“Normally I’d say yeah but not with memories of ‘him’ around. That was a thing he did. He likes you touching him, right” I surmise, Isaac nods.   
“Ok well how about giving him a massage, especially after working with Deaton. Draw him a bath and let him decide how much clothing he wants to keep. Have you ever given a massage” I question thoughtfully. Oddly Isaac blushes making me quirk an eyebrow.   
“Uh yeah Allison taught me” he stammers out. I grin.   
“Sweet then I know you are an expert. So after the bath and massage, a dinner with just you two, nowhere fancy or anything and yes I see your worrying lip protruding, I’ll fix the food” I say causing Isaac to laugh.   
“During dinner play a game of who knows who better. Just write out a bunch of questions favorite movie, song ect. Then whoever gets the most right gets to choose the song to do dishes to but the only requirement is it has to be one you can dance to. Obviously you guys wash up the dishes together and then go for a walk around the block, just holding hands and talking casually. To end the date night cuddle up with some popcorn and a movie. Trust me, he’ll love that” I finish. Isaac tackles me on the bed.   
“Thanks” he says into my shoulder and we hear a throat clear.   
“Uh this isn’t what it looks like” Isaac says upon seeing Derek in the doorway. Derek snorts and rolls his eyes.   
“Well, duh I get it you were having cuddle time without me” he says with a fake pout. To his dismay we both bust up laughing.   
“He said cuddle time” Isaac manages between gasps for air. Derek’s face changes into mischievous and my eyes go wide.   
“Don’t you dare” I holler as he makes a flying leap towards us.   
“Charge” he screams and lands on us with an oof. The bed makes an odd sound before wood is clearly heard splintering.   
“Derek Anthony Hale, did you just break my bed” I ask in my best ‘mom’ voice. Isaac cracks up while Derek looks astonished.   
“How’d you know my middle name” he asks ignoring Isaac who is now rolling on the floor.   
“Cause I’m me, like I’m going to reveal my secrets” I huff. He scowls before his face lights up.   
“Hey Isaac, do you know Stiles real name” he asks turning to him. Isaac sits up immediately.   
“No, do you” he asks excitedly.  
“Of course I do” he says smirking at me. I’m dumbfounded for a moment before realizing he has seen my real name on the documents about me.   
“Don’t you dare” I growl.   
“Sunshine Aristotle Samson Stilinski” Derek says before running out the door.   
“You are dead, Derek, you hear me dead” I shout from the doorway. His laugh echoes down the hall. I get a brilliant idea.   
“I’ve changed my mind, I won’t kill you. I have a much better punishment in mind” I say and Derek immediately pops out of the hall closet.   
“Um that sounds vaguely terrifying.” He says, eyes wide.   
“AH it’s not too bad I’m just going to make peanut butter cookies and ban you from eating any” I tell him with a smirk. I glance briefly at Isaac fiddling with his phone before turning back to Derek  
“ You can’t do that, please any other kind, snickerdoodle, chocolate chip, sugar” he says moving towards me. I say nothing.   
“But, but, you can’t just, not the peanut butter” Derek whines. Isaac laughs and Derek finally looks at him.   
“Are you recording this” he asks and Isaac darts down the hall and out the door laughing the entire way.   
“Ugh pack night is going to suck” Derek says and stomps down the hall. I follow giggling.   
“So what advice was Isaac so shook up about” Derek asks when I plop down beside him on the couch.   
“Stuff with Scott, they’re doing a lot better actually. I gave him some advice for a date.” I say.   
“You are doing better too you know” He says and I shrug.   
“No you are. Look at today, would you have done that even a month ago” he prods. I sigh  
“No probably not” I admit.   
“Exactly and you gave Isaac advice on how to help Scott with something that could be triggering for you, right” he continues.   
“Yeah I suppose your right. It’s just hard to believe in myself you know” I tell him.   
“Yeah I know. I’m the same way” Derek reminds me.   
“It really helped to have the tests come back negative from Deaton. He said I can start practicing with him again if it's ok with you.” I tell him. I’d been keeping it a secret for a week that Deaton said I could start back up.   
“That’s awesome, Sti, of course it’s ok with me. I think you could become our emissary honestly.” Derek says enthusiastically. I roll my eyes and say nothing.   
“I wanted to ask you something, can I take you out on a date” Derek asks all in one breath. My face turns red.   
“Um yeah I mean if you really want to. You don’t have to though” I tell him.   
“Of course I want to, but only if you really are ready, which I think you probably are but it’s up to you” Derek expands.   
“I think I’m ready too. I haven’t cut in over two months now and I’m managing the urges. And well I really like the idea of a date” I say my face turning red. Derek takes my face in his hands and gently kisses my forehead.   
“Ok well we probably shouldn’t go out in our pajamas.” He says so we separate to dress and meet back in the living room.   
We decide to take it easy and just get burgers and fries and sneak or into the movie theater to watch the new power rangers movie. Of course I have to explain what the power rangers are to poor uncultured Derek but really I don’t mind. We hold hands during the movie and I surprise myself by not talking through out the whole movie. On the whole things are looking up until we're walking out of the theater and someone grabs me. Derek nearly goes savage but only just stops himself.   
“Let my boyfriend go now” he growls his eyes shimmering red.   
“He looks like a fun play toy, I think I’ll keep him “ creepy McCreeperton says. I jab both my elbows into his sides and a swift backwards head-butt before I run towards Derek who calms once touching me.  
“What the fuck, you psycho. You broke my nose” the guy mutters while holding a hand to his face.   
“Looks like you messed with the wrong guy tonight bucko” I tell him and he runs off. The adrenaline rush drops and I start shaking. Derek carries me back to his car. Memories swirl up causing a whimper to sneak out. Derek drives faster. We're finally home, Derek helps me inside.   
“Please, just once, that’s all I need, please” I beg him when he stops me from entering the kitchen.   
“No, babe, let me get you some ice” he asks softly before setting me down on the couch. He comes back quickly with a bucket of ice. The urges slow down but not completely as memories continue to wrap around me vividly. I don’t even realize I’m taking my fingernails across my skin before Derek stops me.   
“Stiles, hon remember what the therapist taught you. Try that distraction technique, please” Derek requests. I take a deep breath and start reciting poetry. By the end of the first I’m calming down.   
“The woods are lovely dark and deep but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep” I say aloud taking a deep breath before beginning another.   
“Once upon a midnight dreary …” I begin and get through three verses before I’m back to myself. I practically throw myself at Derek which is frankly a little embarrassing.   
“I’m sorry I ruined our date” I blurt out between sobs.   
“Shh, it’s ok babe. You didn’t ruin anything. You’re amazing Stiles.” I hear him say. I think he’s repeating himself but that’s ok it calms me anyway. The tears finally subside and I pull away from Derek .  
“Don't apologize” he says as I open my mouth. I nod and yawn.   
“Want to try sleeping” he asks.   
“Can I sleep in your bed” I ask feeling unsure though I’ve done it several times now.   
“Of course, let’s go lay down. What movie do you want to fall asleep to tonight?” He questions as we walk up the stairs to his room.   
Let’s do Emperor’s New Groove” I tell him and he nods. I fall asleep before he even becomes a llama and somehow manage to stay that way with no nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> Self harm, child abuse, victim blaming but there's cuddles too. Let me know what you think, please


End file.
